Havi same handle at the blue place

Pretty sure runner's high is just Stockholm syndrome, except the person who has kidnapped and tortured you is you.

(anyone is welcome to also do this and keep me company)

also the number of emails I have is maybe a million?? so doing 20 minutes of VANQUISHING ops / low hanging fruit / Make The Number Go Down

wasn’t feeling brave enough for new years wishes so took the roundabout playful back way into learning about what I want, care about, hope for & crave, wrote about apples & laundry day & Tatterdemalion Life fluentself.com/blog/stuff/an-…

Kind of a brutal week and the energy is MOLASSES, but I did some entry for solstice and thought about the things that help, and how to do/have more of them in my life Wrote about that, ritual, the vulnerability of trust, some deep dark winter wishes fluentself.com/blog/stuff/sol…

also featuring some thoughts on teetering and striding (both are interesting), and what else is there in the terrain of heartache beyond the chasm of anxiety and the pits of despair gonna have to start doing some map-making but what if that is also interesting!

wrote about hope as a practice, and seasonal protocols and navigating darkness, and also about learning to breathe into my courage-heart, and some things I am learning or re-learning fluentself.com/blog/personal/…

@claireofRA hahaha amazing, it’s so wild how often a truthful no just gets you nowhere (which seems very unfair)

@havi However I was prepared to tell him I'd just had a 5 course meal in the waiting room if he insisted on asking me if I'd had anything to eat several more times after I'd already told him a truthful no.

this is the stuff that really gets to me: sure it didn’t kill me but I did spend much of two years in bed, regularly run out of energy doing small things, and can’t survive like this so actually it’s not a function of numbers of death?

Talk pie-based freedom celebrations to me, and other wishes! I did a review & some journaling about getting through a Known Hard Week / Holiday, what worked vs what I might like to do differently next time, and also wrote some Very Personal Ads fluentself.com/blog/personal/…

@claireofRA That sounds so stressful omg, glad the next time was better!!!

@havi He caught me off-guard and I'd been having throat issues for ages and couldn't waste any ability to talk I had left on him. Was super glad when I had to go back for a diff procedure a few months later that I had a different anesthesiologist who didn't have mask but was very nice.

sounds like a lot but it all fits haha what we are in trying times also there are puns

wrote about my oddly specific holiday depression & seasonal angst, about my imaginary test kitchen for alternative feast days, processed a Big Feeling, talked to the cowboy in my head, and made a list of what I do when it feels like I can’t do anything fluentself.com/blog/personal/…

you can leave twitter but you can't leave social media even if you wanted to. you've used it for so long you no longer have interiority. you only have posting, you'll always come back

both/and, etc come visit the museum also giving out Emergency Calming Techniques

okay well actually I wrote about an imaginary museum of shitty breakups by text, with a special wing devoted to the one I got that started with “love a four day work week lol” fluentself.com/blog/personal/…

wrote about being in the reeling times - both in that everything is reeling, and that I am reeling in the mystery, in the sense of whirling but also the sense of fishing… tried to conjure some wisdom for all the reeling

the only thought I have about the election is that a lot of people worship power the more nakedly aggressive it is, the more they fawn, the more they identify with it in the hope of finding safety in its shadow, or experiencing some vicarious thrill they'd otherwise never attain

Okay, these are challenge days (understatement!), I wrote about the process of recalibrating towards and for a challenge and the many challenges to come And also about some challenges we can *choose* along with the ones we are being dealt. fluentself.com/blog/personal/…

very few whales are legally allowed to vote, so please, for the love of god, go vote for them

And a cool pic of the wild sky above my friend’s house

We are taking some election day breaths, and doing whatever helps, and acknowledging that the vibes are yikes and that none of this is fun. Also: gelato, a little hedonism at the end of the world, and nourishment for the collective fluentself.com/blog/personal/…