machine pun jelly👹

Fuck nudes, send a picture of your pills for me to see what kind of psycho I'm dealing with

that big ass forehead, bet ur barber charges you per square foot.

silence craves me, like i do, a true mate, me, the dark and silence.

im a shitty poster because im a realist

been wishing too much for one person

whiskey neat, total dark, & her song on repeat

i can recite walt whitman in my sleep, but you admire me for titty tweets

world's going bust and you're worried about parking tickets

drinking is not good for lying

all my favourite movie moments are about horror movie endings

my family certainly aren't descendants of hunter gatherer sapiens, probably some weird tortoise.

slap me with this, each day like an alarm

@hidinghoney why does every button have to work

Hey Elon, if everyone can see when I've read their DMs, what the hell is the point of this? Get your shit together man

@MrTomMcDermott with a budget smaller than hull city, those buds are playing with levers

🤣🤣🤣

@aciiidburnn cool tats

Been tanning behind my building since I was bullied by an old man at the local dive bar (he said my legs were super pale and he was blinded 🫪)

@ManUnitedZone @marca id like to place a bid to buy Barcelona

🚨 Barcelona are interested and have Benjamin Sesko on their list if they are unable to sign Julian Alvarez. They want a striker who is good at linking play, and scoring goals, and Sesko fits that profile. [@marca]

@MoMohler my guy, i too am talking about sports rivalry, cricket based sporting rivalry referred to

@iamvkhil2 Sports, that exist to take your mind off of the terrible things happening in this world. It helps.

No other country could handle the Michigan vs Ohio State rivalry.

my peace is stuck inside me like a fart that wouldn't come out

tomorrow isn't promised, yesterday is a story, present is where you fck up