Jake Johnson

Hey you! Yes, you. Have a great day.

@lgladdy @hayles It’s when I peaked

Bristol buses are just as shit as they’ve always been I see #BusRant

@hayles @indiespiritbath I’m out of practice if it’s not about football shirts…

@indiespiritbath @jakepjohnson why is he such a monster

Twitter! A task for you. How old do we think this bottle of unopened gin is?

@hayles I’m also from the 80s

@jakepjohnson first of all, how dare you

@hayles From those links, it looks like it’s from the 1980s - which doesn’t sound old but was up to 40 years ago!

@hayles Yes. Yes it is. I didn’t want to bother my football shirt lot with it.

@Chutzpah84 @anon_opin Nonsense

@anon_opin @jakepjohnson 🤫

Your spouse/partner/housemate/whoever isn't loading the dishwasher wrong. They are just doing it differently to how you do it. There is more than one way to load a dishwasher that ensures clean dishes at the end of a cycle

🤔

I keep muting their line myself but they just unmute themselves again

Someone on a work call has a child in the background practicing their scales on a brass instrument and they keep leaving themselves unmuted...

@MooseAllain Wife at friend's house. Her 10-yo son comes home from school. Mother / son conversation: Mother: "How was your day" Son: "Great. I found a dead cat" M: "How do you know it was dead?" S: "I pissed in his ear" M: "You did what???!!!" S: "I went 'pssst' in his ear" Cue hysterics.

You cannot catch coronavirus from the #COVIDVaccine. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, so make sure you’re getting it from a trusted source. For more information on the COVID vaccine, visit nhs.uk/covidvaccine.

I usually reserve my football shirt stuff for @KitNerdUK, but my word I've bagged a beauty that I owned back in 1996!

📢 𝗕𝗶𝗴 𝗙𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝘇𝘇𝗲𝘀 With the help of our friends @ProstateUK, we'll be hosting 31 virtual quizzes from Feb-March, finding the most knowledgeable of our subscribers & raising money for a very important cause. More info & sign-up here... 👇

“It seems like a joke but it is not: in the coming weeks NO TIME TO DIE reshoots will be carried out to ... update the scenes with product placement. After such a long delay, the objects are already obsolete.”