The Evolving Arm

Google maps: You've arrived. Me: *fluffs hair* I know! Right?

Rosebud

I get just high enough to not get burned by the sun

HASN^T SPOKEN TO FRIEND IN A WEEK

Objective journalism is one of the main reasons that American politics has been allowed to be so corrupt for so long.

Do you ever think about those gorgeous breakup songs rock stars write for their wives and girlfriends after treating them horribly for years? Then we pat the poor sad dude on the head and give him another five million. Meanwhile all she got was ten years of misery and three STDs.

Getting tired of everything having a monthly fee...I don't even think I should have to pay for water

@Crazy_ButCute2 🔥🔥🔥

Them: what do you do for entertainment? Me:

I got you.. I'm sorry.. I love you.. Ain't tryna hear none of that bullshit if you don't really mean it

@GratefulDead @jerrygarcia Sugaree

When you think of @JerryGarcia, what song comes to mind first?

A house of cards? In this economy?

Feels pretty lonely thinking in the gray area on most things in a world that's black and white

premonition

America is overrun with people whose lives are dictated by abstracts.

All I’m saying is, if you know about everything bagels then you know everything about bagels.

Cats open their eyes like they're dragons awakened from a thousand-year slumber. But they're not.

There is no need to announce your social media hiatus. You can simply disappear into a national park forever.

@contradiction70 🔥🔥🔥🔥💅

I don't get people who say that they'd go back to ancient times if they had a time machine. The smell alone would kill you

We love them. So we tell ourselves they don't know what they're doing, but they know exactly what they're doing.