Patsy

When you call a woman “a lot” there’s a strong chance you may just be a little

Trump must stop spreading lies and hatred toward immigrants and minorities. End of discussion.

@TheRealStanLee Biography Day for my 8 yr old. You're Charlie's hero, nuff said.

Hugs before drugs. After too if you're not busy.

@amanda_jane11 you never even drank one in my presence! Guess it's better than a coke addition. :)

I was getting odd suggestions on Netflix... Upon reviewing my ratings, I found my 4yo rated all the Power Rangers w/5 stars. Niiiicccee.

Cleaning the house while the kids are home is a sick little joke I like to play on myself sometimes.

@1kueldad Perfect is static and boring. No one wants that. :)

Don't listen to those fools. You are sexy! - my blue eyeshadow

"Did you know that the yellow soap in my shower is the number one choice for hospitals? I put it on my scab, twice." -my 6 year old

@michaelbd HOW do you guys have fantasy baseball leagues? I'm a football widow, and the NFL plays once a week. Couldn't imagine it with MLB!

Boys that wear short sleeved shirts with ties, Don't do that. Please. Well, unless you're a pilot circa 1970. Or if you hate having sex.

Even your serious tweets are funny to me because I read them out loud while doing my impersonation of Christopher Walken

@amanda_jane11 I missed our planning time together today. We'll lay down a sick freestyle tomorrow. #rapbattle

Want me to turn your shirt inside in? -my 6 year old

I'd hate to be a conservative right now, given the choices. I bet Huckabee is kicking himself for not running.

"You don't really have blonde hair. I know you paint it." ~my 6 year old

If you dont bust out in robot sex moves everytime a car alarm goes off, I cant be friends with you.

Mom, do you know what you get if you don't wash your butt? A butt cavity, just like your teeth. -my 6 year old. #funny