television

women shouldn’t have to wear deodorant or shave their arm pits and they should let me sit next to them on the bus especially when it’s humid out

When I was in high school I would buy these for my fat friend daily and would force him to eat it in less than 30 seconds right before gym class or else I wouldn’t buy any more for him and he would cry about having a stomach ache every class

Sorry I’m distracted right now with being occupied

This game was fun asf I would swim around with women in my teeth for a really long time

I have these 22yr old neighbors and they always call the the goat and tell me I’m really cool and as someone pushing 30 it’s become really important to me

Got my dick sucked and after she threw up so hard she got a nosebleed ☹️

You know how you can look at some people and you can tell just they’re a teacher?

I love abusing waiters. Go get me another beer. And hop on one foot on your way to the bar, bitch

Just told a girl I’m antisemitic and she was Jewish again sigh

This dude is totally over feeding his girlfriend and it’s really ruining my sex with her

I RESTRICTED MY SON'S SCREEN TIME TO NOTHING BUT SNAPCHAT DISCOVER STORIES AND HE'S BEGUN TO KILL NEIGHBORHOOD CATS ON SIGHT LIKE A PITBULL

Was at a wedding and the brides mother told me it “was supposed to be you up there”

@cockIuver Let us fix that for you princess

We were talking about killing her ex husband for his life insurance and house

I think I almost just fucked my dental hygienist

Anyway. Enough about you

Convinced my buddy to warm up his soup in the air fryer

I miss joy

I replied to my coworkers story “I want hole” and I guess it posted as a comment

Black guys just told me I walk like Bruce Lee

I have been warned that if I keep crop dusting the interns that HR will get involved