FPL pessimistic potato

If James fucking Justin gets another mother bastard CS and attacking return today I am literally gonna go and fckin glue all of the bread in my house to my body then go and lie down in the park and wait to get pecked to death because I cannot put up with this fucking game anymore

The wait is over.

🚨💣 BREAKING: Bryan Mbeumo to Manchester United, here we go! Green light from Brentford and club to club agreement reached for £70m package, as @TheAthleticFC reports. Contract agreed weeks ago with Mbeumo as he only wanted Man United move. After Cunha, Mbeumo next for #MUFC.

What an amazing day ❤️ The @fpl_juice charity match was such a success. ✅ Great competitive match ✅ Raised over 2k for charity ✅ Had a laugh with the FPL community ✅ Witnessed Ed’s moustache ✅ Oh, and won the bloody Trophy 🏆

@PlanetFPLPod @FPL2Guys1Cup @fpl_juice @StreetChildUtd Nicely done Sham. Was never a pen though 😀

Goalie goal from @FPL2Guys1Cup in the @fpl_juice charity match. You can still donate here for @StreetChildUtd 👇 justgiving.com/campaign/nick-…

My team @fpl_juice 😍 @fplblackbox_az @ECraigBurgess @FplDachshund @FPLFocal @FPL_Discomfort @FPLPlonker @fantasyfooty @FPL_Savage @TrophyFpl @FPL_BRUNO18 @FplPotato @FPLJim1 @FPL_Panda @FPLWittyName

Last minute training round mine (according to @launchpodstudio 😂) today! Team Nick aka JUiCE-ventus are ready to go! Let’s have a look at the collection of absolute LEGENDS we’ve assembled… @ECraigBurgess CDM/CM - A killer of a pass but could be killed from too much running. Wins his headers and attempts to get around the pitch as much as his lungs will allow… also was once on TV… for about 5 mins! @FPLPlonker LB/CB Playing style: Always injured Personality: * Shouts in Essex * @FPLFocal CM Playstyle: Playmaker Personality: Better at FPL than football @fplblackbox_az RB Throw in extraordinaire and has been promised the first penalty by Mo @LazyFPL Position: CM Playstyle: No known significant strengths Personality: Caring @FPL_Savage Positions: full back, winger, striker. Modern day full back where shooting and crossing is essential. Defending is optional. Speed so fast that it can mask a bad first touch, and a second one and a third one… @jimdalycomedy aka @FPLJim1 Position: CM/RW/CB/RB Style: Pass and (don't) move. Will attempt at least one rabona. @FPL_Panda Position: GK / Auxiliary Striker Playing style: Think Neville Southall combined with Josè Luis Chilavert. Personality: Likes to shout at his defenders, opposition attackers and officials. @FplDachshund Position: FWD/WF Playing style: Always looking for the next pass. Tenacious and role model is James Milner @Sergster9 Position: attacking midfielder/ striker. At younger age was fast, strong and used to kick a football well. Now only “kick a football” left. @JamesDrewery CB / CM / FWD Bambi on ice-man, the bigger they are the harder they stay on their feet. If he is not in the air, he's on the floor. Can unlease a powerful shot if his arms don't get in the way. @FPL_Discomfort Oh and Position: Set piece coach/ Retired goalkeeper/ utility lump/ long throw specialist Style: Titus Bramble meets John Lydon. Technically awkward on the eye, but you can't look away. Crosses more boundaries than an elite 20/20 cricketer. @FPL_BRUNO18 RW - Would have made it pro but for a dodgy hairline. Up the effin’ Juice 🧡 🍹 @BTSp0d Corrie: ST/W/CAM/CM Mr Chocolate Power Enegry, the towering sensation. When on form he doesn’t play football, he dances football. @FplPotato GK (with a glistening record of 1 goal from 1 appearance as a fwd in Sunday League this season) Playing style: Think David de Gea but with a more annoying haircut. @fantasyfooty LW but people think he’s RW 😉 Only player on the team that can play in boat shoes. Mind games extraordinaire. @FPLWittyName CAM/CM/LB/RB equally talented in many positions and also doubling up as our (potentially very busy) physio 🤕 @TrophyFpl Manager: tactical genius and may make a 5 minute cameo to tear shit up if necessary @fpl_juice Nick: CEO in very much a Mike Ashley mould 🍻. The old man of the squad, like Modric but with maybe 10 minutes in the tank. Can’t wait to see everyone tomorrow. Whatever the result, charity is always the winner. Please donate if you are able to: justgiving.com/campaign/nick-… Big love 🧡

Give this some love - a great event for a great cause organised by some great lads

Ash v Nick #FPLCommunity Charity Match! Raising money for @StreetChildUtd Donate here: justgiving.com/campaign/nick-… Date: Saturday 7th June Venue: The Hive, Camrose Ave, London, HA8 6AG Arrive: 12pm Kick Off: 1pm Event Finish: 3pm 11-a-Side - Bonus Chips - Live Streamed - Mic'd Up Players - Cam Wearing Players - Awards Ceremony + Loads more! Some in attendance include: @FPLFocal @Pras_fpl @FPL_Eire @TrophyFpl @fplgraduates @FPLFella @fantasyfooty @FPLFanShow @FPLJim1 @FPLMeerkat @ManOnPod_Craig @DanDave1989 @fplblackbox_az @FPLPlonker + Loads more incredible content creators and members of the community! 🔥 🔥 🔥 Hosted by @launchpodstudio in association with @FFScout 🌟

@PlanetFPLPod Ipswich beat Manchester United home and away Although I’m probably not the only person who thinks that will happen

🌍⁉️ Now the FPL Deadline has gone I'd like to know your IMPROBABLE Predictions for the season. Something you think will happen this season that no one else does. Go...

Privileged to witness the Aurora Boreanaz from the tranquility of my back garden last night. Beautiful stuff x

@OfficialFPL The replies on these tweets are always very odd

Goal - GALLAGHER Assist - none Chelsea 2-0 West Ham (30 mins) #FPL #CHEWHU

@FPLProp Wait til this guy discovers fire, it’s gonna blow his mind

The FH34 vs FH29 civil war commences twitter.com/ahbin_4/status…

My nan when she’s planning to spend the weekend pelting rocks at passers by

@OfficialFPL So it’s FPL minus anything that makes it challenging I have literally never been more depressed about this game

🥁 Introducing FPL Challenge 🥁 🆕 A brand new challenge each Gameweek ⏱️ No deadlines 🙅‍♂️ No season-long commitment 🎁 Prizes every week Play now! ➡️ preml.ge/fplcfplx #FPLChallengeAccepted

@FplMode Wow that’s pretty impressive, I can only get one or sometimes two people in mine

I’m in Bath. Full of posh people. More as it comes.

So, so deserved. Kobbie Mainoo has received his first call-up to the @England senior squad 👏🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 #MUFC || #ThreeLions

@fplblackbox_az Do you actually need a keeper for this? If so, allow me to introduce… me DM me if you still need someone

Any goalkeepers thinking of coming to this on Sat and need a team? Beers on me if you join #TeamBlackBox

What a special afternoon for all of us 🙌🏼

Why is no one considering Maddison?

Fine. You're not invited