Tim Martin

Small boats this, small boats that...how about a great selection of affordable small plates? Including our new 8" (yes, that's Great British INCHES) pizzas. As if anything over, say for example, 4" wasn't just showing off

@AndyGJBurge @miffythegamer @LBC 😡😡😡 Delete this, Andy!

@culakula @UKjdspoons Our soups, much like my carnal abilities, are very much two slurps and it's over

Good job I’m not hungry! Measly amount of soup served at Wetherspoons , Huddersfield! #splashofsoup @UKjdspoons @GroovyTimbo

@StephenArcherSX Would you like to buy it?

@GroovyTimbo I love my Braintree spoons

Is anyone in the market for a few pubs? Going cheap.

@catherina34 Think you've accidentally visited one of our vegan pubs, better luck next time though!

@GroovyTimbo visiting Aberystwyth..popped in for the tuesday steak club and no steak! C'mon you can do better than this very early evening as well, whats goin on?! X

@marmitesmudge Use ketchup and pretend you're colourblind.

@GroovyTimbo In Nailsea witherspoons. Dirty tables.no fish and chips. No brown sauce. No mayonaise. Last time we come back.

Fuming. Parked the Cortina down the docks and paced up & down, angrily smoking. Threw the dog-end in the water; it was like something out of Cracker. Flipped the trusty Motorola Razr open and called our media man, Eddie Gershon, smoke billowing about my face. "Get me Kuenssberg."

Tariffs? Trade? Who in the hell is supposed to keep up with all this jargon? Imports? Exports? All your women things? All your frilly things? Brexit has been such a success in so many invisible ways but quite frankly Spoons is bigger than this. It's bigger than Europe.

@Holly_x_o @Jam_Jar_Head Well alright, but strictly for my huns - no students or smelly old Wetherspoons OAPs allowed

@Jam_Jar_Head @GroovyTimbo Just dying for a glass of sangria with the girls tbh Tim x

@GroovyTimbo Ayo Tim can you start serving sangria for the gays and the girls - only £3 from Tesco ❤️ @Holly_x_o

@andytj32 Thanks Andy, we do our best. Last time I visited our Fraserburgh branch I drank so much that I ended up kipping in a shop doorway. Mind you, that's true of a lot of towns I've visited when working. I was urinated on once or twice, I suspect deliberately. Anyway, enjoy the ciders!

@GroovyTimbo Hey Tim , sitting in spoons Fraserburgh, was surprised to see Strongbow not available but . . The new choices of cider are amazing. I may go home a little worse for wear later.

I get very frequent letters from female fans asking for more pictures of yours truly, so do please enjoy. Ladies, I am married, so don't get carried away! I am always free to discuss Brexit or the powerful anti-salt lobby though, one-on-one, but my wife will need to know.

@NguyenD33862856 bruh my arms are so heavy it's dropping soon bby

@GroovyTimbo Tim buddy we’re at pub when’s the next magazine dropping cheers kthxbye

@DrPeterVenkman7 @helenmeltz @TheSwanLB I wouldn't know - I stopped frequenting pubs years ago. People were starting to comment on my shaking hands. It's cornershop vodka these days. Raj, my usual fella, doesn't care. Sometimes he has to take my wallet from my pocket. No judgment at all. God bless him. It's an illness.

@sinot196 Drug addiction is an illness. Perhaps you should have been a bit more compassionate. Not too late to apologise - you can drop in a hand-written letter at the Picture House on Monday morning.

@GroovyTimbo Been to Picture House Morley this evening with with my wife for a drink. Went to toilet, drug use occurring, advised security, assaulted by said drug users and your ‘security’ ask me to leave. West Yorkshire Police will no doubt be in contact. Thanks

@Aimeeleigh96x I sympathise entirely Aimee. I myself made the switch to clear spirits, neat, after the collapse of my third wedding. From there, it was turps and methylated spirit. Eventually I was on a waiting list for a new liver. My ex-wife wouldn't take my calls...what was my point again?

@GroovyTimbo I had to go to the pub down the road and they charged me £4.80 for one pint. What’s all that about?????

Wetherspoons NFTs available for purchase now. Why not spunk your giro...er, hard earned wages on this wonderful gammon, egg and chips, for example? You can almost taste how stone cold those McCains are through your phone screen, can't you? Ethereum and postal orders accepted.

@CarpeZytha Fun fact: after watching Dawn of the Dead (1978) I was immediately on the phone to my CEO, John Hutson. "John, I've seen the future of pubs"

@Iblogtoglasgow Great men sometimes need to make great sacrifices. I'll be back, richer and more opinionated than ever, you'll see.

In 2016 Weatherspoon’s Tim Martin’s enthusiasm for Brexit knew no bounds. He printed hundreds of thousands of beer mats with pro-Brexit messages. He’s just lost £154million due to no beer supplies as a consequence of Brexit. There IS a god! northeastbylines.co.uk/wetherspoons-b…

@2017ActNow @Tunonegro1946 @Nigel_Farage Anyone else willing to have a swing at this?

Tim Martin takes on the Fake News media. Required reading at a Wetherspoons near you.