Joe W

Idea: Non-alcoholic cigarettes

Twitter employees are now being told they must call them sprinkles, not jimmies.

@matt_glenn That is so messed up

@JoeJW You can delete your Twitter, but Elon Musk will reactivate it if you don’t pay him $8 per month.

It really stinks you can’t delete your Twitter. Like what if we could just delete it if we didn’t like it anymore?

If you show up to court with a gavel they let you decide if you’re guilty or innocent.

Some of you haven't tweeted about quiet quitting yet. Can't wait to hear more takes.

My student loans will be paid off in my 60’s. 🇺🇸

Saving Silverman spoiler alert: All three guys find love.

If you hosted the 97th most popular improv comedy podcast on Apple, how would you use your celebrity to better the world?

Very comforting knowing that the people trying to run our state are in a meme war.

@Tom_Hannigan Yes this is a real story:(

A few weeks ago I took in a White Sox game while visiting Chicago. I caught a ball a player threw in the stands. I gave it to a boy sitting in my row. He nor his dad said thank you, and I'm ready to talk about it. 1/73549978474992

The year is 2026. People are still refrigerating peanut butter.

SnL iSnT fUnNy AnYmOrE

Going on Twitter to complain about Twitter

*to the tune of Katy Perry’s hot n cold* cause my mask on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s off, it’s on then it’s of

If I was on The Office: Michael- “Tom is still in Blink 182” Me- *looks at the camera*

If you hate billionaires you are going to love me.

I had the chance to speak with Chris Rock and Will Smith individually and they both just want Tom back in Blink 182.

i’m sorry we’re calling it a food COURT? really? do i put my hand on a tray and say i swear to tell the whole truth so help me moo goo gai pan? foh