Johnny Setlist

As it is the season, here's a reminder that I have two Christmas albums full of "enjoyable" and "not terrible" festive music. All proceeds via sales and streams go to @SAMHtweets so you be a babe and help others by listening to music johnnysetlist.bandcamp.com

@mim_iiii Fucking yessss! Hit me up! Let me show you the best bits of the city!

@mim_iiii What a blessed little island we will be! If you are coming to Edinburgh (which you absolutely) on your trip let me know!

@mim_iiii You're finally coming here? For real?! This place will be blessed with your presence?

Merry Tmas to each and every Chris out there! So glad you now finally have your own day!

Hot albums! Get them now while they are fresh! The best the year has to offer! Now including the finest blurbs you ever did see, including some stellar word composition from yours truly about @billieeilish, @charli_xcx, and @HalfWaif

The only end of year list that matters! So many hits in this long, long year. Had the pleasure and privilege of writing about a bunch of these amazing songs, including @Beyonce, @TheDecemberists, @TheWeatherStn, @CassFreshUSA, @kendricklamar, and @ChappellRoan.

Michael Bublé gets a lot of grief for the line "Santa buddy" but he should also be getting the same, if not a greater amount of grief, for "Santa pally"

There aren't nearly enough marmalade-based questions in pub quizzes these days. We used to be a country.

On this day, which is apparently of some significance, Johnny Setlist gave a proverbial middle finger to social seasonal norms and ate many Christmas treats, much to the disgust of absolutely nobody.

Still reeling over this wild opening bio of Nico Mastorakis

@robdelaney Hi Rob. While I am glad you are getting more roles beyond "Urinating Man #2" and "Office Beefcake", please can you not share this kind of adult material before the watershed? My Aberdonian wife has been in the closet making pained grunts since lunchtime and I am starting to worry

This is one of many erotic scenes I filmed for Deadpool & Wolverine. Disney chose to remove them when test screening cards came back with comments like “I didn’t come here to get a boner” and “[Feminine grunting/unintelligible Mexican(?) dialect]”

You can drink milk from a champagne glass and the police can't do anything about it. Try it. They won't even attempt to arrest you.

Celebrating Doors Open Day by opening all the doors I see. Fridge door? Open! Car doors in traffic? All open! Tiny doors to your doll house? You better believe my eyes are peering through that entrance now!

There's not enough drama in the office, so I have decided to add "I made extra; feel free to help yourself!" post it notes for people's lunches in the fridge.

I think Taylor Swift should participate in Travis Kelce's football games like he participated in Taylor's shows. It's only fair.

@AmandineKirion I didn't have time to pick up and kiss the Waitrose croissants as I was running late for my scabies treatment appointment at the doctors

@JohnnySetlist You didn’t even go to Waitrose. What’s the point. Pfff.

I picked up and kissed each and every fresh croissant in Tesco this morning, just to add that bit of extra love to everyone's day : )

Fun fact: you will never find a Sainsbury's in Greece because the name of the shop literally translates to "beef penis popsicle" in Greek, which the government there decided is too cool a name for any shop.

nobody will remember: - your salary - how “busy you were” - how many hours you worked people will remember: - Why do we fall? - So we can learn to pick ourselves up. - Batman Begin

Forbidden Stroopwafel