RYAN
22 posts
RYAN
@RGFilingJointly
I sniff all the deoderants at the store to find the one that smells the most like woodshop and old leather so my wife won't try to share my deoderant.
Se unió Şubat 2013
250 Siguiendo247 Seguidores
I'm pretty sure @FilingJointly has been messing with my Twitter profile.
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Reading Fiona The Best Mouse Cookie before bed tonight @FilingJointly texts me, "Spoiler! The best cookie is one you share with a friend!"
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In the car, @FilingJointly just noted, "You could rearrange the letters on that vet's sign to spell Mice Krispies."
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In elevator with @FilingJointly. Asked her what floor to hit. She said 2. Asked are you sure? 50% sure she said. There were only 3 floors.
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@FilingJointly just mumbled "I volunteer as tribute," in her sleep when the baby started crying.
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At the Cubs game and @FilingJointly has cold hands. I give her money to go buy gloves. She comes back with two oversized foam hands.
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Overheard coming from @FilingJointly's office: Kate Spade you dirty slut!
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Text at work from @FilingJointly: Ugh I just ate twelve chicken nuggets and my stomach is sticking way out. I'm like the Abdominal Snowman.
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@FilingJointly just told me to "Stop being the pot that ate the kettle's soup" after I took a bit of her soup.
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@FilingJointly just told me she had a dream last night that Mark from Home Improvement was named the next pope.
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@FilingJointly "When you were downstairs the dog learned to talk and told me she wants lobster for dinner soon. Then she forgot how to talk"
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Per @FilingJointly a scale is not to be ordered. One must go into the store try all the scales and buy the one that shows the lowest weight.
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@FilingJointly just came out of Jewel, got in the car and said Well we need to get a new grocery store. And she won't tell me why.
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@FilingJointly just cracked a hardboiled egg on my head and shouted Ramona Quimby! I don't get it.
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I asked @FilingJointly what was for dinner tonight and she said, Peas porridge in the pot nine days old and then fell off the couch laughing
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Just ran downstairs to make a phone call. When I got back upstairs @FilingJointly was explaining to the dogs how to do the running man.
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Lauren: "Let's make our way to the uhhh, what's the word? You know, the leaving place?" #Exit #TheWordSheForgotWasExit
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