sweet baby tom®️

going to recess lowkey fell off

women will just straight up go see Wilco with you even when it’s raining

women will just straight up watch Bosch Legacy

I’m gonna sign a living won’t. hook my ass up to a car battery. get real experimental with it. I ain’t ready to go yet.

@oblit3rati I always wanted a reason to own a trenchcoat.

I simply love living in the opening news montage of the bad sci fi movie HBO used to show at 1 pm on a Thursday

gifts for elves? check. now I just need a dang coupon code…

@cardyco melting wax figure of Ronan Farrow

okay, I'll bite: who is Joe Biden?

@cardyco he has turned me into a full-blown khive guy at this point. i hate him so much

tapping the sign

@cardyco it was a dark day in my life when they quit selling these

@thatsgoodweb it was driving me nuts thinking "I know that from somewhere"

It's called a cast iron pan because you cast it into the dishwasher

christmas miracle or not, surely tiny tim is dead by now

Watch my movie called The Mask (2023) youtu.be/yJlO5yTVH_8