Shay ~ recovery

Hiiii, im shay, welcome to my recovery page. I love interacting with other recovery accounts, you’re welcome to talk to me anytime🧡 It may be hard sometimes but we’ll keep fighting! Recovery since october 2024

Great my cheeks are bright red Why can my body not understand that a slight miscommunication does NOT mean i should be anxious

I got a text in a groupchat with an idea to do a drawing without reference and got excited, drew a quick one and sent it and then the dude told me the whole idea was that people wouldnt see eachothers work either SO NOW IM DYING OF ANXIETY YAY

@pooppooppoopypo Your disorder is whats making your mh worse, not recovery. The voices are loud but you will be able to shut them up eventually

recovering has made my mental health so much worse idk if it’s worth it

Oh my god i just signed my rental agreement…. Im getting an apartment WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Mannn i slept like crap. Slightly tortured a new social worker with the amount of dishes.

Continuing to think about testosterone and how bpd is often worst in late puberty/early adulthood and if taking testosterone might make my bpd ‘reactivate’ No idea if its possible but i mean, hormones affect your entire body and brain so you never know

@pooppooppoopypo Please dont throw away the food. You need it to be an actual person, to think and feel. I know that could be a reason not to, but eventually, you’ll feel so much better knowing who you are and you cant do that without eating enough. Maybe try talking about this during treatment?

my dad let it slip that i’m not gaining weight despite the meal plan and im so relieved. i know it’s because ive been hiding and throwing food away without them knowing but im so happy

Now, but she really was a sweet girl despite losing her father, which had affected her quite a lot. I hope she didnt lose that good part of herself.

That she later ended up in a place full of addicts, started smoking weed and doing god knows what and moved in with her boyfriend. She stopped talking to me because she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she had a crush on me at one point. Idk what type of person she is

One time in my long term admission i went non verbal and a social worker got mad at me for it and refused to help me. Another girl went downstairs, put on comedy central(tv channel i liked) and made me tea, and left. She did more for me than the social worker even wanted to. Sad

@atlasornothing Yikes.

just went to take my night meds and discovered that i literally have zero mood stabilisers left

I was baking again Now my kitchen is once again a disaster, it wasnt even clean beforehand😭 gotten pretty far with cleaning already (Raspberry macarons and lime curd macarons)

@lightlykat Im so glad you’ve grown past the original ‘intent’ of this account. I havent been following you for too long but im so very proud of you

Sometimes i still feel like a lesbian cause i identified as one for years. Idk, there seems to be a specific feeling to it but its probably just associations, feelings and a specific ‘look’ to what being lesbian means

Finally getting to the useful part of my new therapy. My childhood was so much fun💀

Ah yes, i got the nameless birthday card from my transphobic no contact grandparents that i’d love to set on fire but i could use the 20 bucks so i dont

Maybe its just because im finally mentally stable enough to think about what i want and not just trying to get out alive

Starting to think i DO want to be on t. Idk what changed. I’d probably only want a low dose, especially to start on. And i would go bald… Altho, that would probably mean i’d need to start using the mens bathroom eventually…🤢

I probably should have listened to my previous psychiatrist who wanted to waitlist me for gender affirming care😭 i didnt want to medically transition back then, i was really scared of side effects and thought i didnt want most of the effects of testosterone, but im actually

Holy shit i just deadlifted 100kg