shifty

I want someone to open the nudes I send them and they think “God, I’d even lick her fucking pictures”

I think I should chop my hair for the summer

I feel like my face looks so weird without my glasses now that I have contacts 😭

i am an old woman & twitter is my porch

Having a house is the best because I get to host parties for all the people I love. I love this stage of my life so much 🥹🥰

This last one almost took me out and I’m 29. I can’t handle this anymore 😭

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Jump scare but it’s me waking up after having dream about a former “dom”

I just saw a reel that said “do we hug? Absolutely not. But if you needed a kidney I’d give you one of mine” and I feel like this is me and @thatredheadxox We never hug, have maybe 6 pictures together, but I’d do anything for her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rage ride your face and then hit the bookstore?

@ HOM take notes 👀🤣

Daddy said “absolutely not” sooo there’s the answer 😇

I was most underprepared to handle my jealously from infertility. I hate that for a split second I’m jealous or upset or sad at someone else’s amazing new before I’m over the moon for them. Makes me feel like I’m an awful person

The alt is gone my pervy friends

@thatredheadxox Ooooh I read this one!

Can’t forget the essentials 🏕️

@IsildursBane_ 🤣🤣👏🏻

@makeshiftthrone "My neighbors had this huge rooster that wouldn't stop crowing way too early in the morning. Something had to be done about it! So yeah, that was the biggest cock I've taken"

He was like 5’11” but told people he was 6’1. It wasn’t that hard to insult him enough to make him leave. He was a major cock. Glad I don’t have to deal with him anymore ngl.link/shiftyxxx