PE Jocks

15v15 on the main pitch. Couple of sickly-looking chaps sat shivering at the side. A bench-full of orange coloured girls avoiding badminton. A lad wearing some lent 3/4 yoga pants after forgetting his shorts & his mate with glasses in a size 6 & and a 9. Gives me goosebumps

Dancing horses at the summer games is god awful, but Scottish bowls on ice takes the biscuit. It makes Jackie’s Y11 “Walking” unit look like an Ironman

@hallampepgce Now that man was a PE teacher. RIP Magnum. Very sad.

It is with great sadness that we share with you that Melvin Palmer passed away yesterday. Melvin touched countless lives for so many years, from being a PE teacher, to a head of school and spending the rest of his years dedicating his life to training up future PE teachers. (1/2)

Why are people so amazed by seeing 12 & 13 year olds winning skateboarding medals? What kind of adult would ride a fucking skateboard?

Do you remember the episode when Uncle Phil got in shape?

@MrMellorPE Even they serve a purpose; you know, feeding the ball. What does a cock do? Row! Go on! Row. Rubbish

@PEJocks Scrum half?...

Having never been a privileged toff I’ve not done much rowing. But imagine claiming to be a cox. Aside from boasting stunted growth & an inability to physically contribute to an activity, what is the point? Absolute bollocks

Now Jackie really has no excuse whatsoever Scientists have taught spinach to send emails twitter.com/i/events/13563…

There are plenty of perks to being a professional footballer, but i reckon the no.1 right now is that their barbers still appear to be completely open for business, whilst the rest of us continue our devolution into Yetidom

I’m sorry but after this, there can be NO doubt what whatsoever. He IS 100% a PE teacher youtu.be/LbxvP2hSdlI

The good thing about remote learning during lockdown is that you can deal with most grumbles, queries and complaints about your crap provision with a jumbled explanation including the phrase “...it’s a safeguarding thing...”

Hahaha! 🤣 That’s a beauty! I’d specifically not included you guys but I suppose you’d be the equivalent of temporary admin staff when Brenda the bursar goes off with one of her funny turns

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Jonny; mute your microphone? Yes and you Thomas. No, you’ve turned your camera off. Right, Roland you’re clearly playing on your PS4. Montgomery? That’s blatantly a cardboard cutout of Lionel Messi in your uniform can you come to your computer please?”

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Miss, are those Vodka bottles by your sofa?”

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Sir, your decor is fucking atrocious”

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Right guys, I hope you can all hear me? I’ve turned my camera off as the light’s not good. Can you all do the 1st question I emailed you please?” “Sir? We can see you sat in your y-fronts”

Jock High are “restructuring” ie. saving some cash. Teachers will be paid based on their workload & responsibilities during lockdown. All Maths & English staff are being made Deputy HTs. Science, AHTs. Drama & Music Higher Level Teaching Assistants. PE? associate dinner nannies

I think we both know that’s stretching the truth. However, no pressure then eh? For now just chuckle sling at all your kids & parents seeing me call a cabinet minister a twat when they engage with your account? I’ll try harder in future.

@kvillis @CricketAus Chased plenty of eggs & played bat & ball with a loads of you shackle-dragging inbreds; never met a bad un 👍

@PEJocks @CricketAus I'll take that as a compliment (backhanded) which is pretty good from this account @PEJocks 🙌

Said it before and I’ll say it again; I’ve never met an Aussie I didn’t like. But then again, I’ve never met most of the current @CricketAus team

What an odious little twat you are @GavinWilliamson Read the room eh? Can somebody inspect you seeing as you gave us 1 day’s notice? I mean parents complain when you ask for a reply slip the next morning. You’re as shit as Gove ever was and equally unpleasant.