Sam Smith

"I'm gonna piss the bed!" I yell to no one on a mundane Sunday night as I ease back onto the mattress ready to fall peacefully to sleep

The rights of members of marginalized groups should never be up for popular vote. Everyone from @usacycling connected to the survey asking the majority group if a minority group should be allowed to play needs to resign immediately.

The Menu was bad and you all lied

@Brook_Watts David Duchovny lookin ass

Men will literally assert the New Yorker article should have been about something other than Colin Strickland being a piece of shit instead of going to therapy

@t_seplavy My thing was Tetris in the pre smartphone days

@AmourDeVelo Who says “darn”?

Great point. Start grid should obviously be done by Instagram followership

Do you poop or pee at work? Efficiency analysts call it “Quiet Shitting” and this millennial trend is devastating the economy.

@thejeffbartell Magic Mike

@focuspuller Thanks Tim!

@SamWileyS I fucking love this. Keep up the good work.

Hey @instagram @InstagramComms. I wrote a real article about athletes/influencing on @cyclingtips and then posted about it on IG. It got shared and liked so much you deactivated my account because you thought it was artificial activity. Pretty ironic eh? cyclingtips.com/2022/01/opinio…

@CXHairs @velonews @eaglading Ugh

Hi @velonews. Photos in this story were taken from my site without permission or compensation. These photos belong to @eaglading. I shouldn't have to tell you they are not free for you to take. I tried to address this offline but have received no response to my email or DMs.

Transport yourself back to June 2021. We’re in Clay County, Florida, it’s muggy and hot, and Sean McElroy just won U23 #roadnats 🇺🇸 Life is good. 🎥: @SamWileyS youtu.be/1pIba5YJMaw

I don’t have any shows currently booked, but I am cancelling all my appearances at any elementary school gymnasiums that require a measles, mumps and rubella vaccine since the 1970s.