The Awkward Tweet

OMG hahaha expectation vs reality 😭 ask for some nice autumnal tortoise shell nails and leave with bright orange boils. Of course too scared to say anything so pay the full amount and walk out smiling but crying inside #nailart

@lastminute_com please tell me why I’m still waiting for a refund for flights in March when in July you said it would be two weeks?!

When your alarm goes off and you have to go to work because you didn't die in your sleep

'Jeans and a nice top' but you can never find that nice top

It's 420 eve, remember to leave out milk and cookies for snoop dogg

Theresa May today live from Downing Street #GeneralElection

It's weird to think people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long

Boys in flannel 😍

I can't wait for natural selection to take out slow walkers

Every British person when the suns been out for longer than 45 minutes

Me drunk telling my life story even though no one asked

Under capitalism, we are all the April Fool

Just checked my balance... this better be an April fools

When you stop chasing your tail and start chasing your dreams

You won't be mad at me for being late if you stop thinking I'm going to be on time

Me: that's it no more junk I'm going on a diet Also me five mins later:

I fully support this policy

I've been going to the gym for five months and all I've lost is £230

2016: WIll Griggs on fire the whole of the uk: your defence is terrified

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be." I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.