Lainie Kessler

“You wide eyed girls get it right”

I ran the dishwasher without water I’m freaking out 😭😭😭

I need a good portrait of my dog in the house why haven’t I done that

There’s always mass seagulls in the gym parking lot

“You’re still keeping up on the Bachelorette” “Yea, no, that’s all my feed is— that and Afroman”

Can you believe we don’t have a jacuzzi

Ya can’t eat at everyone’s house yall

Don’t let me forget to get a bird feeder this summer you guys

“Popped two X dat Dos Equis” Wayne doesn’t miss

“Fiber optic butt plug hair. Patent it”

“Maybe it’s a bad idea that we go downtown” “Yea what if we get in trouble?” “At least we have each other.”

“Kegeling for #8!” -Nikki Purington (In reference to #8 scoring a goal as soon as she developed a crush on him)

“Anyway, I want all fake teeth now” “Well make one of them gold 🤷🏻‍♀️ words of the wise”

“We stay outta jail alllll day but we go all night”

Have we thought of retaliation? Maybe like a little battle of some sort. I could create a menu and some scheduling. Lmk how I can help.

“So I fucked my lunch lady instead. In an orgy.”

“Been called names never been called back” -Luke Lawrence

What’s an empty sea to a blue tik

Just so yall know… tequila is soooo bad for your teeth

“I’ve seen better butts in an ashtray downtown”

“It went Meade, ale, then white claw. First ever alcohols. This is BC times.”