emily berkley

are tears at least good for your skin

Let’s have some fun, I’m going to give away $30,000 to 1 random person who retweets this tweet AND follows @Pulte and me!!! (So we can dm you the money if you win). Will show proof of paying winner ❤️

i would like to propose a government assistance program for people who eat avocados. thank you.

so ANYWAYYYY, merry Christmas!

If those are Brian’s remains, I would almost bet my life he was in contact with his parents who left him supplies yesterday when the reserve re-opened to the public. Ole boy went to get them and ended up a snack for a very hungry animal.

happy birthday @BrunoMars

Ted Lasso is who we should all aspire to be

I hate to say it but today….I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to….well, progressive, but you get it

at 28 i can definitively say that my mid-life crisis will be the only thing i've ever been early for

me: ooo I wanna be thicca than a snicka. Gonna eat in a surplus and lift extra heavy. LET’S DO DIS *gains 1/2 an inch around my thigh* me:

“Add to bag to see price” has the same energy as “please see cashier”

The people who didn’t watch it.

I just feel like it needs to be out there that it is absolutely impossible for me to grasp the concept of time. Please be aware of this before you befriend me.

I woke up with a headache, the kids have asked me a million questions, Kamryn is chewing Pringles with her mouth open, and my car won’t start for the second time in a week. GOODBYE IM STARTING A NEW LIFE SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY JFNDKEPEJDHEGWUWJSIXGDBEJ

I used to get a small travel itch after a few months of not going anywhere. It’s been so long that the small itch is now a full fledged desire to sell our home, take the cash and literally just drive until we find a cool city and plop down.

Maybe next time you will estimate me.

Me: sizes 1/2 size up ordering my project rock shoes just to be safe The shoes (delivered today): Still too small Me: *also i def thought project rock was project rock n roll & didn’t even realize until I opened the box that it was project @TheRock 😂

This is very “I know you are but what am I”/“I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.” vibes

sooo is there a reason the mall still closes at 7 or..?