E’b

Maybe if I just tweet enough I’ll be happy inside?

Democrats could’ve stopped already ICE but you ignored their last text for $5

Doctors in the 20s: “What’d you say your name was again? Lou Gehrig? We’ll call it that!”

“This must be what it was like to March on Selma” -me making a beautiful woman laugh

I’ve never met someone above 5’7” who supports ICE

This Venezuela stuff making me start to think Trump didn’t really deserve the FIFA Peace Prize

Me going up to a woman breastfeeding: is this guy bothering you?

ACAB includes buzz lightyear

What do you think Asher Roth is doing rn?

Still my favorite Juno position

Spotify said my listening age is 6,666,666 years old does anyone know what that means? I mostly listen to Aztec death whistles, the incantations of Moloch, and Sabrina carpenter

Truly embarrassing if your Spotify wrapped age is younger than your age. Okay little fella tell me again how The Wiggles are better live

Zohran cheated by appealing to New Yorkers desire to afford food and shelter

I think I speak for the entire board of Blackrock when I say I am very disappointed with the election of Zohran Mamdani

“Your honor, I move for a recess”

*record scratch* “I’m sure you’re wondering how I got here”

I’ll be honest I didn’t expect this from Alec Baldwin

Kirked up white boy with a little bit of swag gets bust in the neck sexual style is he goated with the sauce?

“Huda Mustafa” sounds like a racist guy trying to remember the name of the actor who played Black Panther

You see lots of guys with a “mom❤️” tattoo never see anyone with a dad tattoo or even better an Unc tat ❤️ like and share if you agree ❤️

Every first date I say something pro-Palestine and do Indian voice just to make sure our values align