Matthew Boicourt

Kĕpha Aleph (1 Peter) 4:8 TS2009 [8] And above all have fervent love for one another, because love covers a great number of sins. bible.com/bible/316/1pe.…

Took a little nap before work, had some very erotic dreams, woke up with a stiffy that could punch a hole through a concrete block in one thrust, but I didn't play sexual shadowboxing.

Woke up with a stiffy that could split a diamond again, but I didn't use the hand pump.

Thought I was lying? Libido never goes below third gear.

Voice in my head telling me to watch some porn and massage the shaft. Been pushing the voice to the back, thanks to the medication.

Personally, I'm leaning more towards the latter, simply because at least I got to touch and feel and hug and hold and caress and embrace and make passionate, sweet love to a woman who broke my heart later. At least, for a brief time.

I've had both, and personally, I think the writer of the lyrics didn't have to deal with 5 years of constant loneliness, not to mention 5 years of constant horniness.

Still weighing this out on the scales, what's better? Owner of a lonely heart, or owner of a broken heart? youtu.be/AY7ktU1Db2A?si…

The good news is, the libido is finally downshifting, currently at 4th gear. The bad news is, the loneliness is still there. Nothing more I'd rather do right now than hold a woman in my arms and snuggle and cuddle.

The solution is so simple. At least, to me, it's a simple solution. The hard part is, finding a woman who understands why I have this problem, and understands what the solution is, and doesn't have a problem with it.

Sure would be wonderful if I didn't have to self medicate, and could simply make passionate, sweet love to a woman.

I'm sure you figured it out, I decided to self medicate last night. The good news is, I didn't spank the monkey. The bad news is, I think I was drunk tweeting again last night, rather, early this morning.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a lab rat, they're performing experiments on me, and annotating the results, seeing how long it takes for me to completely snap and permanently break down to the point beyond repair.

How long can a man, a survivor of child molestation at that, go without human touch, without being able to give his love and affection to a woman, before the neglect becomes so detrimental it causes permanent mental and emotional damage?

Gather all your famous psychiatrists and sociologists, and have them interact with the best and brightest researchers studying, working towards their doctorate degrees.

Wouldn't even be an issue if I had a "help meet" to help me in this area.

Maybe it's better for me to choke the chicken and release, before this sexual energy becomes so toxic I become someone I really am not.

"Masturbation is sin!", some religious people say. But honestly, I'm seeing myself becoming belligerent and violent and having an "I don't give a f" attitude.

Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in this war, like nobody understands me.

And apparently, no woman understands where I'm coming from, not even the woman who fasted for 18 days straight, no solid food at all, to address the child molestation atrocities and human trafficking atrocities to our Heavenly Father.

F ing didn't ask to be sexually molested as a child, f ing didn't ask to develop a strong hyperactive libido because of it, it's not my fault, but I still have to deal with it.