Armand Zerilli

Folks, I’d like to say that I don’t drink at night, that’s not why the tweets get weird. The tweets get weird because i m w e i r d

@pancake_puppies sorry

@pancake_puppies Me to all my dates before they come over: "don't floss. I want you nice and sexy"

@pancake_puppies Big piece of salad

"ladies and gentlemen" ❌ unnecessarily gendered ❌ overly formal ❌ lengthy ❌ honestly i'm already dozing off "cowards" ✔️inclusive to all genders ✔️casual and fun ✔️short and to the point ✔️exciting and dynamic

jerry seinfeld on his back porch grilling exactly one vegan hotdog on extremely low heat for two hours every five minutes he thinks to himself: cars AND coffee? damn i'm good

@pancake_puppies I tried to nominate you for last year, but the committee is so hard to get ahold of

who called it DJing instead of banger management

@zerilliworks A light snack? 🤣

The neighbors are keeping me up oh my God I am about ready to wrap my lips around a lightbulb and chew

Big Enter key

@pancake_puppies Fuck, another celebrity I now have to be mad at

In October of 2017, me and my coachmates passed a couple hours on Amtrak with Janeane Garofalo. Best time I’ve ever had on the Lake Shore Limited.

@pancake_puppies Probably for the best

None of you rascals had better mess with me today. I just solved a programming problem I’ve been stuck on for two days and I’m feeling very powerful, like a bulldozer, or a space shuttle.

@pancake_puppies That one is definitely worth a follow-up

@pancake_puppies People have died summiting everest, dude. Befriend a taco bell employee and let them be your #nachosherpa