Friend of Bill W.

* Posting from AA Big Book, 4th Edition, Personal Stories: “Tightrope,” p 359-368 * Trying to navigate separate worlds was a lovely charade that ended when this gay alcoholic landed in A.A.

This was a total revelation to me. For a long time I had believed that alcohol was one of the few positive things left in my life. I looked forward to my first drink every evening and thought that alcohol was holding my life together. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #odaat #aa

I called my former lover, and he put me in contact with an individual who took me to my first meeting. Although I can barely recall anything about that meeting, I heard two things I have never forgotten. The first was "You don't have to drink again." #recovery #sobriety #aa

I suddenly realized that my life was totally insane, that my drinking was out of control, and that I was either an alcoholic or a candidate for committal to the local asylum. Not wanting to be locked up, I decided to try Alcoholics Anonymous. #recovery #sobriety #odaat #aa

Apparently I had gone on autopilot and, in a blackout resulting from just one drink, had gone on a tear. The look of disgust and pity on the face of that stranger was the jolt I needed. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

Then a miracle occurred. An evening came when I decided to have one drink outside and then go straight home. I had that drink and left for my house. The next thing I remember is waking up the next morning with a stranger I had picked up in a bar. #recovery #sobriety #odaat #aa

One night I left a shot of vodka on the mantelpiece so they would go after that and leave me alone. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

@lovebug4121 Awesome! 🤩

@BigBookMessage 1 yr 9 mths today

I could hear them plotting to kill me. There were nights when I went to bed with a knife in hand to protect myself. Other nights I locked myself in the bathroom so they couldn't get me. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

Then I began to hear the whispers. I became convinced that there were people living in my house. I couldn't see them, except for occasional glimpses out of the corner of my eyes, and so I concluded that they were small and somehow living in the walls or under the stairs. #aa

@DkBuchanon Awesome! Congratulations! 🥳

@BigBookMessage Celebrating 36 years today!

I remember thinking that this life would go on and on, never getting better and slowly fading away to nothing. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

It is not surprising that I had few visitors and neighbors tended to avoid me. The last few months were filled with fear and self-pity: I began to contemplate suicide with increasing regularity, yet I was afraid of dying. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #odaat #aa

Empty food cartons, beer cans, bottles, and dirty clothes lay where they were tossed. I had gotten a cat because the mice were out of control. But I was not conscientious about cleaning up after the cat. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

(2/2) For the last four years I lived alone in a small house. The ceiling of one room had collapsed, and plaster dust was everywhere, coating the garbage and newspapers that littered the floor. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

(1/2) One morning I awoke with a numb leg and found that I had somehow ruptured two spinal discs while in a blackout at home.

Even though I rarely drank away from home, my body was covered with bruises because I often fell down during blackouts. I never wore short-sleeved shirts, even in summer, because people would ask me about the bruises. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #aa

I found it increasingly difficult to do anything more than work and drink. I was afraid to use public transportation or even to walk on the streets. My stomach was constantly upset and my doctor had diagnosed a number of intestinal disorders. #recovery #sobriety #odaat #aa

Every night was blackout drinking. The really bad times were when I would have to struggle outside to a liquor store or bar late at night, weaving and trying not to stagger, because I had miscalculated and run out of alcohol. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #odaat #aa

I would go to my bedroom, where I kept half-gallon bottles of gin and vodka, and "read" while the ice melted, the mixer ran out, and sometimes the glass broke. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa

When I left work, I would have a few stiff drinks at dinner and then go home. I would stop off at the kitchen to pick up a glass, some ice, and some mixer. #recovery #sobriety #alcohol #alcoholic #12Steps #BigBook #odaat #aa