Kylie

I'm watching a documentary about whales.... jk it's just the reflection in my iPad

I'm looking at wedding dresses on Pinterest and I haven't had a boyfriend since middle school....

I'm literally a train wreck,no wonder nobody will date me

Umm excuse me... I am wife motha fuckin material

Antidepressants, wine, and masturbation is what my life has come to

I may like older men but that doesn't mean I have daddy issues. My father is a fully functional alcoholic

I've become such a hateful person, I think that's why I'm starting to enjoy @danieltosh

Don't drink and snap people... Don't drink and snap 😳

I'm tindering again... God help me

Getting drunk and watching @danieltosh until I have to go to work again.. Occasionally masturbating in between

It's hard for me to be a normal person

Let's get naked, smear each other in Vaporub, and roll around on the bed until we decongest. - Cold Sext

Sometimes you don't realize until later in life but, alcohol does solve the majority of your problems

Why lay in bed alone when you could lay on top of me?

*masturbates the stress away

When your teacher is hot.

The literal second that I stepped into this bar, Paper Planes started playing. That's it. That's the most cinematic entrance I'll ever have.

My sex life has turned into watching porn alone and crying

I'm at the point in my life where I'm like, fuck off if you don't wanna be with me #sorrynotsorry

I need a guy with tattoos to slap my ass