Koos van der Merwe

@dwizzle17 bad guy can be easier sometimes

@dwizzle17 because people know we are douche bags and accept it. We expect you to be sweet, put out and cook.

@dwizzle17 only thing that matters is the white, lacy thong

If you’re gonna cheat, do it with someone who resembles your significant other. Then it’s not cheating. It’s an “homage.”

Nostalgia is a seductive liar

@dwizzle17 i love getting exes wedding requests and realize i was right. Upgrade or die in my eyes

When we role played she was wizard of oz and I was scarecrow. All I wanted was brain and she was happy to give.

@dwizzle17 im a healthy alcoholic. Oj builds immune and vodka kills everything.

@dwizzle17 oj vodka all day

@dwizzle17 juice boxes are the shit

Amazing! RT @djklutch: Success is like being pregnant. Everyone congratulates you, But no one knows how many times you have been fucked

Girl "Im NOT a slut." Me "You sure? If u told your dad how many dicks have been in your mouth, what would he say?" Crushed.

@dwizzle17 I got pussy for mine, so I guess we are similar.

Im gonna be a star. Like if Larry the cable guy mouth raped tosh and he spit it in sarah silvermans puss and 9 months later you have me

@dwizzle17 gotta be that tigerblood on your veins. It works 50% of the time 100% of the time.

Most of my life feels like i'm down a touchdown and there's 48 seconds on the clock.

Sex was just the perk, mindfucking you was the plan all along

I think God is fucking with me. Female im dating is nicer to me when she's on her period. Why do I feel like pavlov's dog?

@dwizzle17 July 9, 1983