mark driver

Me: skids around on icy roads to buy bait, lugs auger down to the lake to drill hole, makes thermos of hot chocolate, bundles kid up, destroys hands with hypothermia baiting dumb hook...stands behind ice-fishing kid like fucking alpha dad. Kid: (5 minutes) This sucks. You do it.

@FDRLST I try to follow publications I don't agree with to see other perspectives. I'm open to the idea that I'm wrong about things. The Federalist consistently confirms how morally bankrupt and intellectually dishonest conservative publications need to be to justify bad public policy.

Even if Donald Trump had literally killed Elizabeth Warren, it would not be an extension or endorsement of the Native American genocide. And all he actually did was tweet. fdrl.st/c89

@thinkprogress The diabetic shark has spoken.

West Virginia lawmaker says there’s no reason to punish him for comparing LGBTQ community to KKK bit.ly/2SAm34r

The best part of Murder Mountain is when they say, "Welcome to Murder Mountain" for the hundredth time.

@Liz_Cheney @CoryBooker @BeefUSA Which one of the dead internment kids is that?

Hey ⁦@CoryBooker⁩ I support PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals. ⁦@BeefUSA⁩ #WyomingBeefCountry

@pareene @em_dash01 Same premise, but it's "Going Through Your Purse" by The Mentors.

@gethoht That was the year that Jethro Tull won best new artist.

Me: Aside from Weird Al and Elliot Smith, have the Grammys ever featured a single musician that doesn't suck shit? You: High on Fire. Me: Whoa.

@GOPLeader Your dumb greasy boss ridiculed native genocide this morning.

Anti-Semitic tropes have no place in the halls of Congress. It is dangerous for Democrat leadership to stay silent on this reckless language.

One of my greatest honors is leading new members on a bipartisan trip to Israel to showcase the shared values and unbreakable bond between our countries.

@seeshespeak Man, those and ketchup chips.

@MarkDriver Those are good chips, Mark.

Mount Rushmore features the faces of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt. But which four leaders really deserve to be immortalized in the massive rock? 53eig.ht/2o9FCPU

@pixelatedboat Pretty sure Winston Churchill said that.

@dougpasnak @FiveThirtyEight Ip Man!

@seeshespeak Love his music, too. But he's Canadian. He belongs on Mt. Tooney next to two Gordons and a bag of All Dressed.

@MarkDriver ADAMS

@DasDetTweeter @FiveThirtyEight 50%. The Chinese dude I was talking about is Charles Ng, who is technically a serial killer.

@bungarsargon Me: End Apartheid. You: So you're racist against Africans.

Please learn how to talk about Jews in a non-anti-Semitic way. Sincerely, American Jews.

@GOPChairwoman You assholes raised my taxes.

Here's how extreme Dems have gotten on government-run health care... 2009: If you like your private health care plan, you can keep it. 2019: If you like your private health care plan, we will eliminate it.

9 am me: Looking forward to a productive day of getting stuff done! 1 pm me (cracking third beer): Man, Rick really fucked up in Alexandria.

@dougpasnak We're all respectfully enraged.

There's a dude in one of my fantasy hockey leagues who got killed in a car accident on Christmas and his last lineup is consistently destroying the rest of us from the grave.

One of the biggest Bay Area villains is the friend who moves an hour away to buy a McMansion and then tries to guilt everyone into visiting them.