RJ Stelljes

Monday Night Baseball > Monday Night Football

The 2026 Masters concessions at Augusta National. You could order one of every item for $78.75 total.

Rooted in history. Ready for what’s next. The 99s are here to stay for the postseason ⭐️

RE: The Pilot’s Rescue (an alternate history) It’s April 5th, 2026 (or, as President Kamala Harris declared it, the “Trans Day of Visibility”). On a routine training mission over Kuwait, an American F-15 pilot became disoriented, failed to respond to orders from her flight lead, and flew into Iranian airspace, only to be immediately shot down by China’s latest air defense system, bought by Iran with the money President Harris had been shipping to Iran monthly to assist in the build-up of their nuclear weapons program. The pilot was a 1st Lt. and had just recently graduated from flight school, over the objections of her instructor pilots. Despite her known shortcomings, the training squadron commander had been forced to give her a set of wings and an F-15 seat because otherwise he would have failed to meet his monthly quota for female pilots. On the run, 1st Lt. Jones was doing the best she could to evade Iranian ground forces, but due to changes in SERE training to make it less offensive to a variety of leftwing grievance groups, she really did not know what she was doing. Still, she had not yet been captured. President Harris convened her core inner circle for national defense matters in an emergency meeting: 1. Vice President Elmer Fudd (known for his proficiency in shooting down flying birds). 2. Secretary of State Adam Schiff. 3. National Security Advisor Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. 4. Secretary of Defense Tom Nichols. 5. CIA Director Alexander Vindman. 5. Chairwoman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff ADM Lisa Franchetti. After 30 minutes of deliberation, the President’s team determined it was too risky to mount an attempt to rescue 1st Lt. Jones. The CENTCOM commander was ordered to call Jones on her survival radio and order her to surrender, while Secretary Schiff would negotiate her release. (Israel had offered to help but President Harris would not even take their call.) Following orders, 1st Lt. Jones surrendered and was taken to Tehran for interrogation. Due to the open borders policies of President Harris and her predecessor, President Biden, Iran had a large, functioning arm of its Quds Force on the ground in the USA. Members of that force went to 1st Lt. Jones’ house and took pictures of her children playing in the front yard. Showing these pictures to Jones and threatening to kill her children, 1st Lt. Jones was forced to film a tearful confession of war crimes and a lengthy denunciation of the USA as “The Great Satan.” (CNN played this video virtually on a loop for 7 days while their announcers silently smiled like Hannibal Lecter.) Months of negotiations ensued between Schiff and Iran, and ultimately Schiff was able to obtain Jones' release by agreeing to (i) ship 500 pounds of enriched, weapons grade uranium to Tehran, (ii) send $500bn in cash in small bills to the Iranian mullahs, (iii) withdraw all US forces from the Persian Gulf region, (iv) denounce Israel as a Satanic force and (v) make President Harris wear a hijab during all public appearances regarding the matter. Upon 1LT Jones’ return home, she was met with great fanfare by a hijab-wearing President Harris at the White House, where Jones was awarded a Distinguished Flying Cross, a Purple Heart, promoted to Captain and appointed to carry Harris’ nuclear football. Months later Iran nuked Tel Aviv, Israel nuked Tehran in response and Secretary Schiff agreed to broker peace negotiations. (Unfortunately for the mullahs, the Twelfth Imam did not then arise from a well in Qom. Boy oh boy were they pissed.) Then I woke up and remembered what really happened: SecWar’s team put together a daring plan, President Trump said “EXECUTE” and we did. * * * P.S., coming from a family with military aviators and having spent plenty of time in the back of military aircraft piloted by women, I must say that there are PLENTY of highly competent female pilots whom I would trust with my life. But the fact is that during Democrat regimes plenty of unqualified people of all sorts were advanced into all kinds of jobs they had no business performing, thanks to DEI policies. I mean no offense to the many highly qualified female combat aviators, with whom I would proudly serve.

President Trump: “Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP”

Nick Foligno is so smart on the PK

Emmer claims the Democratic base is "extreme anarchist marxist socialist"