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two things:
- i quit my job
- the other day i confused a pile of garbage bags on the side of the road for an entire horse
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swallowed 2 contact lenses
8.5K posts
swallowed 2 contact lenses
@HeyLittleTank
your cool aunt/drunk uncle
SEA x LV Bergabung Aralık 2008
0 Mengikuti437 Pengikut
@mpershan Ack just saw this and you’re too kind! Thanks for giving those preposterous lists a home.
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Very excited to see @HeyLittleTank's great list in the latest ANoHW. She is a list genius. twofiftyone.net/2023/08/08/obs…
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Enjoy this glimpse of a typical Sunday with my mother
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys
"Now, to do this the RIGHT way, we need a portable X-ray unit. Of course, your father always forgets the portable X-ray unit. He remembers the dog's birthday. He remembers to refill the hummingbird feeder. But he forgets the portable X-ray unit." mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-t…
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swallowed 2 contact lenses me-retweet
@JasonGarramone @mcsweeneys Thanks so much! It was a fun one.
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@HeyLittleTank @mcsweeneys Great job! Really enjoyed this funny piece.
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Thanks to @mcsweeneys for indulging this fever dream
mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-don…
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@HeyLittleTank I reinstalled Twitter just to say I hope you had a happy birthday? I really reinstalled Twitter just for that? Yup. Apparently. Happy birthday!
Also… I feel really weird about calling you little tank.
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DID YOU KNOW?
i am in issue 25 of the american bystander!
check it out for terrible jokes from me AND good ones from a whole bunch of other folks. please. it’s my stupid birthday.
americanbystander.org/store3/issue-25
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I can’t stay silent any longer
medium.com/slackjaw/nobod…
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swallowed 2 contact lenses me-retweet
This is my Uncle Go-Gurt.
…and one order of dirigible sauce.
Celebrity leprosy!
Destroy the octowolf.
@HeyLittleTank
twofiftyone.net/2023/03/23/thi…
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@ModernVintageG @LasVegasLocally news loves this kind of story. it’s compelling and just the right amount of “scary,” but nobody died so they don’t look ghoulish when they report it.
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@LasVegasLocally let em know. not sure why news outlets are peddling this story
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Most Las Vegas gas stations still have plenty of gasoline, despite our best efforts to panic buy every last drop.
Las Vegas, NV 🇺🇸 English
swallowed 2 contact lenses me-retweet
Thanks to @HeyLittleTank for this collection of sadly rejected mascots. twofiftyone.net/2023/02/09/rej…
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@Santos4Congress ppl in the santos office feverishly researching amnesia
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To the people of #NY03 I have my story to tell and it will be told next week. I want to assure everyone that I will address your questions and that I remain committed to deliver the results I campaigned on; Public safety, Inflation, Education & more.
Happy Holidays to all!
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@NotABigJerk distracting amnt of fuzzy lens flare this season but i tune in, i guess to see if gary can make kristin scott thomas physically ill
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@greg_doucette "my new book, 'in defense of desperate whims' is out in paperback now"
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So... lack of impulse control
Andrew Wilkinson@awilkinson
Shit on @elonmusk all you want, but he has The Now Habit. As soon as he has an idea, he takes action towards making it happen. This is inherently chaotic, but for better or worse, it's likely a big part of why he's so successful. Rapid action, iteration, and experimentation.
Roxboro, NC 🇺🇸 English
@GeneticJen @tamoorh love it.
“this is the most important Burrito Supreme in history!” i sob at the drivethru while hungover
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@NotABigJerk prolly kinda therapeutic, i’d get caught up in the catharsis & just start throwing anything within reach
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@celebrityhottub @pattymo i think about this incident with relentless and embarrassing consistency
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@elonmusk @micsolana for someone who claims to love civilization you sure are an embarrassment to it
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@micsolana They posted my exact real-time location, basically assassination coordinates, in (obvious) direct violation of Twitter terms of service
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so far, i’ve been able to confirm about half the accounts suspended posted links to the jet tracker thing in violation of the new doxx’ing policy. unclear just yet about the rest, but i think it’s safe to say the rule is for real.
Jon Levine@LevineJonathan
Reporters covering Elon Musk being nuked: Donie O’Sullivan, @CNN Drew Harwell, @washingtonpost Ryan Mac, @nytimes Aaron Rupar, independent
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@yoda i dunno. i mean, this *could* be the most productive period those companies have ever seen, now that he's distracted
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