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I am grateful to be in a place where I feel as though I am making a difference, can challenge myself, and can healthily reflect on everything. There are a lot of times in my life where I've been my own coach on a lot of things I once expressed, and they've made a difference to a bunch of people---including family and friends.
Several nuggets, or food for thought:
- No matter how crazy or busy life gets, we are all still human at the end of the day. Be sure to check in with yourself.
- It is always best to treat others how we ourselves would like to be treated.
- Hierarchy of caring about others: safety > comfort > enjoyment -- in that order. Safety will always be king for us as humans with our dos & don'ts and should always be prioritized. Comfort naturally follows that when we feel safe and welcome to be ourselves. Enjoyment is the result of everything prior to it being fulfilled.
- Do what you do because you love doing it, not because of an expected end result or a perceived reward.
- It is okay to say "no". It is okay to be told "no". Either way, we have learn to own it and respect it. It is not always said to be mean, but it is always expressed with the goal of preservation. Take the answer, and move on.
- It's okay to have fair expectations. It's unfair to place them on those who can't or won't meet them. At the same time, we can't ask for something we won't give.
- To listen is to learn and understand, not react and retaliate. You will miss important details every time if you cannot focus on examining what is being expressed to you or if you're trying to read between the lines. If you do not know, ask.
- Don't assume things and then operate in a state of falsehood that isn't reality. Unless you are working with math or science where laws and theories are explained by proven facts, we cannot operate under assumptions with people. We are all different and are just trying our best in this crazy world we're living in. It's just best to be kind and to know that we all have our battles to fight.
- Love and business should not intertwine. Without structure & compliance to limitations, there will be trouble and confusion. We are afraid to relinquish the business aspect because we feel as if we are in control of everything and can't be hurt. But that's not what love is about. It challenges all of that and puts a mirror on ourselves, asking us to relinquish instead that same control and those barriers, and to entrust ourselves with another who is also choosing to be present with themselves because they want to be there and to work on a mutual benefit that has no tangible value. It's that intangible aspect that matters more than anything, and is more universal than business ever could be. That is the distinction that keeps love and business as two polarizing worlds apart from each other. One is contractual and transactional, while the other is willful and gravitational.
- Stress is a part of life, life can't always be comfortable or convenient, and conflict will arise. We can't avoid it and we can't we always run from it. How do we overcome it? Do the hard stuff. Asking for help or clarity, facing the fears, working on healing wounds, taking the leap of faith, communicating better, taking accountability, apologizing when we are wrong, not letting the worst assumptions get the better of us, and so on. Simply distracting yourself is just a temporary fix until you do what is actually necessary.
- Practice focusing more on all of the good that has happened or that which is in your current environment. The good things will always hold more significance and longevity than any of the bad ones. You may even develop the ability to turn a negative into a positive. You just have to practice at it. Face it directly.
- All emotions, thoughts, feelings, boundaries, and capacities are valid. They all must work in harmony or balance in order for vulnerability to have a home. It requires acknowledgement, respect, and the willingness to learn & adjust.
- Our words and actions will always have an influence on others' behavior and choices. This goes for everyone; no exceptions. We have to be more mindful about how someone else might feel about how we are expressing ourselves, both verbally and nonverbally.
- Every single relationship takes time and effort to build, to establish, to trust, to repair, and to believe in. Unwillingness to yield that time or effort will only lead to disagreement, disparity, or destruction.
- It is okay to make mistakes, so long as we learn from them and do what is necessary to improve. We won't always be perfect at it right away, but we can always make progress or start anew. Give yourself and others that chance.
- Sometimes, the problem isn't the problem itself. It is the attention and energy we are investing in the problem that is preventing us from the solution. We can either let it go and advance closer to making peace, or we can double down and create a bigger mess due to insecurity and/or lack of understanding. We must approach the matter when we are calm, cool-headed, and are willing to adjust or make sacrifices for the greater good.
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