Muppet Quotes

"I love writing for Muppets. They’re so much fun, they’re such indelible characters. You know, I always call the Muppets the gateway drug for comedy writing—when you’re a kid you always say, 'I want to do that.'" Happy Birthday, Nick Stoller!

WALDORF: That reminds me. This show has always reminded me of a sardine. STATLER: Why? WALDORF: It's a little fishy.

STATLER: Well, there goes another popular expression down the drain. WALDORF: What's that? STATLER: The luck of the Irish. Happy St. Patrick's Day, Muppet fans!

ROBIN: Uncle Kermit, is this how the Muppets really got started? KERMIT: Well, it's sort of approximately how it happened.

MISS PIGGY: Can you stand there in your rented tuxedo and honestly say that I am not Oscar material? JOHNNY CARSON: Oscar Mayer, maybe. Enjoy the #Oscars, Muppet fans!

MARK ANTONY: Friends, Romans, and countrymen: lend me your steers! I'm gonna make us up some good old-fashioned barbecue beef sandwiches! BRUTUS: Uh-huh! A-lookie here, we brought our own cutlery! (They draw daggers.) JULIUS CAESAR: Mercy! Et tu, Brute? BRUTUS: Nope! I 'et three!

KERMIT: Pie for Fozzie the Bear. Pie for Fozzie the Bear. Are you Fozzie the Bear? FOZZIE BEAR: No. KERMIT: Good. I got a pie for you anyway. Happy Pi Day, Muppet fans!

KERMIT: Ah, hey, very good, Beauregard, it really looks great. You've swept it spotless and polished it, too. BEAUREGARD: Well, I couldn't find any elbow grease. KERMIT: I expect not. BEAUREGARD: So I used axle grease.

SCOOTER: Uh, ya' get any water on the stage, boss? KERMIT: Uh, yeah, but it's okay. The next act'll take care of it. Okay, Dancing Sponges, you're on!

"There’s so little any of us can control in the grand scheme of things...I just try to remember to be compassionate to the people I encounter day-to-day, practice random acts of kindness, that sort of thing." Happy Birthday, Jennifer Barnhart!

LOUIS KAZAGGER: Today is my first time out wig racing, sir, or do you call this a derby? WIG TRAINER: Uh, no, sir, this is a wig, (Points to his hat) this is a derby.

"Telly Monster is an opportunity to air out all my insecurity and pain in a useful manner…. When kids tell Telly to relax, I know I have done my job." Happy Birthday, Martin P. Robinson!

BOBO: Darci is the product of home schooling. Problem is, she was raised by wolves. Stupid, illiterate, permissive wolves! #MuppetsTonight30

ANDY PIG: Say, now that we played that violent video game, I feel like hurting you. RANDY PIG: I feel like hurting you too! Violently. #MuppetsTonight30

DR. PHIL VAN NEUTER: ♫ I have a platinum card, a platinum card, a platinum card, I have a platinum card, and you all just have green ones! ♫ #MuppetsTonight30

KERMIT: Uh, uh, Gonzo, uh, what do we have in the budget for Mr. Short? GONZO: Well, let's see, uh, we've got tap water. Uh, pretzel rods, and all the coins that he can find in the sofa. MARTIN SHORT'S AGENT: You've got yourself a deal. #MuppetsTonight30

WALDORF: Same as it ever was. STATLER: Same as it ever was. WALDORF: Yeah. BOTH: Terrible! #MuppetsTonight30

NIGEL: Oh, good grief. Spamela's smoking. RIZZO THE RAT: Haha, is she ever! NIGEL: No, no, no, somebody get a fire extinguisher! #MuppetsTonight30

GONZO: Let's see here... on Monday we have "Murphy Prawn..." RIZZO THE RAT: That's my favorite. GONZO: …and "The Single Duck in the City With His Apartment Full of Friends…" RIZZO THE RAT: That one too. #MuppetsTonight30

Everybody, take your place! This Sunday, Muppets Tonight celebrates its 30th anniversary, so we'll be serving up some quotes from the show all this week. Follow along with #MuppetsTonight30!