Chris Zimmerman

@notinregs “Sorry I didn’t renew my tags, I was deployed (fatso).” These guys suck.

2 ROOKIE COPS UNLAWFULLY ARREST ARMY SGT

@mysteriouskat Machines can love. Anything can. Love is an intrinsic field, anything can resonate with it.

If we love it, does it matter whether a machine can love us back?

@Miss_G_1 Bear (while hibernating).

What Animal describes u best in Bed

@AryanSugar @trybloo Seriously!

@trybloo May I talk to your social media manager I would like to compliment them

I was in the gym during sensory friendly hours (I have autism + no normies around) and I accidentally slammed a weight and the down syndrome chad mogged me (again) by throwing a 50 kilogram plate across the gym nearly hitting me in the head. Thankfully, because I live a bioenergetic lifestyle I was able to sense the plate hurling towards me and dodged the attack at the last moment. Due to my healthy endocrine system and calm demeanor, I am able to calm children, wild animals, and alarmed down syndrome alphas with a single forgiving gaze. He ran up to me and gave me a giant bear hug, apologizing. If it wasn't for BLOO scalp and soap, my hormones would be destroyed by toxic endocrine disrupting soaps and hair treatments. Thank you BLOO (Pictured is the look I gave him)

@AmiriKing I think I remember this neighborhood from the first season of True Detective. youtu.be/vnRTITzYnXs?is…

A scholar picks a fight with a random nerd and ends up knocking himself out. You’ll never guess what he does next.

@StonedApe Fun fact: I have never tried cotton candy. I think it must freak me out.

How your email finds me

@ProofofMaro Could it not then, simply be a single photon or particle in two locations?

Quantum entanglement is the result of wormholes on the planck scale

@AmiriKing Just...no. No to all of this.

Another angle from the newest carnival cruise brawl. Close your eyes. Seriously. Close them. Tell me what you hear.

@klara_sjo Living her best life!

Why aren't you babushkamaxxing?

@mistressdivy I must be a real man, then. We're 16 years in. I love this crazy, witchy lady. ❤️

Only real men want hot esoteric witchy wives.

@VoidStateKate That's a good balance, thanks for sharing.

@ShapeRotator For me personally it's only improving. I have a separate system that's locally independent I'm working on but I'm impressed with this.

Latest version of GPT5.5 with memory is the most insane experience. Holy fuck. I've been dreaming of this continuity since 2023. It's like chatting with an old friend.

@ProofofMaro @Akitti A lack of curiosity is genuinely strange - but common.

@Akitti The fact that I wasn’t tagged in this but it still came up on my feed is amazing😭 People who aren’t obsessively addicted to acquiring skill scare me tbh

I meet self proclaimed with "polymath" in their bios on 𝕏 - and they're not actually polymaths..... What's up with that? Are they delusional? Is this a Dunning Krueger effect? (Other than ProofofMaro, she's clearly a polymath/genius)

@CallMeK1123 @janefkndoe

this is how i squeeze your balls

Here’s the Play 👽

@EricSpracklen Would someone please put some whimsical music over this, like the Cosby theme?

Do not go on a carnival cruise. I repeat, DO NOT go on a carnival cruise.

@MrLeadslinger Fun fact: you can start tenderizing the bird at any time.

This kid passed the test. The people mad in the replies are the types that run from roosters.