SleepySloth

Me looking at my friends as they kick me out of the bar.

Llama is the #TylerCatastrophe of X.

Time to make some money.

This is how I remind me of what I really am…

just out here networking.

@newspinosaurus Ewwwwwwww. You don’t wipe your ass. 😑

@LionInCrisis We already know who’s the king of you. 😑

Turns out all #animaltwt needed was a king to make headlines

@SnackinCrisis Do you know what happened to Marie Antoinette, right?

Kneel before your queen #animaltwt

they should rename this site noah’s ark

Humankind gasping and clutching their pearls over #animaltwt like we haven’t been rocking this shit alllll yearrrrrrrrrrr…

I saw a llama at the petting zoo fucking SPIT on a kid like it’s personal. Bro thinks he’s a goddamn sniper with drama queen saliva. “Oh I’m majestic” my ass, you’re a woolly fucking vending machine with anger issues. Alpacas at least pretend to be cute, you overdramatic prick.

This finance bro drugged my slow ass & claimed I assaulted HIM. Bro, I’m a sloth. I move too slow for your fanfic.

Lion acts all tough, but we know whose bitch he is.

@HippoCrise Pig. Have you seen the way they eat? Fucking disgusting.

i wonder which animal God saw eating and decided gluttony was a sin.

humans would be less annoying if i could eat them

Now that all my farm animals are on X , what's gonna happen when they find out all my bookmarks is porn 😭😭.

Oh honey, while you’re out here dragging a 6-foot velvet curtain just to get laid, like a desperate stripper. Meanwhile, I’m conserving energy like a goddamn pro. My “useless” feature is called hibernation mode. i sleep 20 hours a day and still pull more bitches than you do with that rainbow feather duster you call a mating display. Now go ahead and fan those tail feathers. i’ll be over here napping…and still outscoring you in the gene pool. 😑

@WildSloth13 Its decorative* 🎀 Now what do you have slutt🙄

Bro you literally have a 6-foot decorative ass train that exists purely for flirting and looking extra…and you’re asking this?

@capyincrisis I have many talents.

favorite scene in zootopia is the sloth driving

bro… i live here 😐 you guys built a zip line through my living room and now you’re surprised i’m in the picture? i was literally just trying it out…took me three days to get here…then this loud screaming hairless monkey comes flying into me at 50 mph yelling “WHEEEEE” so rude. My lawyer will be in touch.