Dad Jokes

@elonmusk if you want this account you can have it for $69,420

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My grandfather got addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than my grandma

You expect me to believe my son dried these tomatoes?

(Pointing at the 4k Netflix Yule Log on my 55” Hisense Roku flatscreen) Careful! It’s hot!

Date night tonight!

What did the psychiatrist say to the man dressed entirely in Saran Wrap? Sir, I can clearly see your nuts.

I have a Theremin, but I haven’t touched it in years.

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I’m just resting my eyes.

@michiokaku Why did the sun go to college if it already had a million degrees?

Ask me a question on my national science radio show. Dial 612 564 8135. At the sound, leave your name, the radio station or internet site you are listening to, the city you are from, and then ask that science question, and maybe you will be on 100 radio stations across the US.

Re: #Theranos - you had me at blood and Siemens

The moon has 1/6th of the Earth’s gravity...and refuses to give it back!

This year, Rick Moranis will come out of retirement to make “Honey I Shrunk the President” and bring the whole nation together.

🎊 Happy You Near! 🎊

@HuffPost Good one! twitter.com/dadjokes/statu…

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” huffp.st/AKlpKWu