@el-tool

Midweek Sport. Out today at only the best newsagents!

@imonwwe Ozzy approves, making that t look sweet.

Wife told me it was our wedding anniversary today, can't be expected to remember everything, Jesus.

By Christ - dead pig is delicious.

😂

@FreeMyself2023 4,cold as well.

Go on

What with price of fuel these days, I thought I'd do a runner from the garage. So I put in £50 worth and drove off without paying. Got caught though. I'd run out of petrol before I left the forecourt.

Whenever I approach a traffic light I do a Jedi swipe to change the lights to red so the person behind me gets stuck in traffic. Never works

@MyBioTriggersU Same.

@JaHo84 😂

Yes

@beckykatemoore Yup, real world now.

@eltool I did say that the little journeys razzing about to random places should probably be minimised but that’s all part of it when you first pass isn’t it?

Great news, youngest kid passed his driving test first time, dads taxi is now retired.

@beckykatemoore Thanks, with the price of petrol in guessing the random drives are over lol.

@eltool My youngest passed a couple of weeks ago, drives himself to school now and more importantly home at 9.45 after finishing work on a Friday night. Happy days! Did make me laugh yesterday when he had his first moan at the cost of fuel 🤣 Safe driving to your lad 😃

@NotthatSuzanne Lol, I'm just glad of the money I'm going to save, it's £40 an hour now. Maybe dearer in a city.

@eltool Hahaha, congratulations! My son put 30,000 miles on my car after passing his test.

Can't believe Chuck Norris is dead... The life support machine he was on has now been put on life support

My worst nightmare is Spotify randomly throwing out an Ed Sheeran song whilst I'm driving and then I crash and die but it keeps playing so the first responders think I was an Ed Sheeran fan and they tell my mum and I end up being cremated to fucking Shape of You.

Chuck Norris will carry his own casket.

Chuck's Gmail account gmail@chucknorris.com

For most men, one testicle is slightly larger than the other. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is slightly larger than the other.