Sho’Nuff

To all the funny, hungry, inspirational, pervy, positive, sexy, and supportive people that make Twitter great...keep that shit up.

Marco Rubio Preparing to Blockade a Critical Trade Route redd.it/1sjxv6i

Ur watching porn, I'm watching food porn...we are not the same. I'm also watching porn

Pretty sure I am my own worst problem!

The mail man just came and scared the shit out of me. I mean it's 7pm and I'm NOW, getting mail?

I had to buy rope and duct tape today. I added a bible to it, so I wouldn't look "creepy"

$180 to fill the work truck with diesel. At this point it’s definitely cheaper to smoke meth and run everywhere

ATMs be having $4 withdrawal fees talking about "cover your pin" mf you the thief

I woke up smiling today it feels like mercurys gone direct.

I did one like of a earwax removal due to my son having an issue we resolved, and now my algorithm is nothing but this and I’m disgusted and much like those pimple popper people I can’t stop watching and liking for more. I know…I’m fucking gross.

Hello Mr. President. I flipped my car over, and this mean police officer took my driving vicodin right out of my pocket. If I hand him my phone, will you tell him to give it back? -Tiger Woods, probably.

@bitzydimbo Where have all the bongs gone by Paula Cole

Why chipotle asking me for a tip... We made this burrito bowl together gang 😭😭😭

Lamar Odom was on crack and still making it to practice with Kobe Bryant. I need to lock in and stop making excuses for my life.

are we having fun yet because it feels kinda apocalypse-y

the worst truth of adulthood is realizing that life, in fact, is very unfair and the good guy doesn’t win

BREAKING: US fertility rate drops to a new low because [gestures around at everything]

The 90s. No internet, no social media, just real human connections.

Every day is a new chance to be a better asshole.