plurality (brandon sanderson’s version)

If you want to make this crotchety disabled shitposter's entire week, consider getting me something from this list: amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls… #disabledartist #disabled #disabilities

Does anyone else ever get the Pork Shits?? Like when you eat a metric assload of pepperoni or bacon and then your next dump is agonizingly painful? IBS, why do you do this to me????

It’s crazy to me that people have it out for me when I don’t think about them often at all. Odds are, I’m thinking about bread and rotating a discus shaped loaf of ciabatta bread in my mind’s eye like a Frisbee.

Maybe the real treasure was the diagnoses we got along the way….

Hiya. My paypal is ardenalexandraphoenix@gmail.com and if you like my writing or just wanna support me through the rough patch with my pets' health, I'd really appreciate it, thanks <3 And as the old pinned said, the hearts are the genderqueer flag, fuck terfs.

Them: just relax and be yourself! Me, who hasn’t unclenched my jaw or come out of fight or flight for the past decade: … Me: I’m sorry, what? How do I do that? Them: which part? Me: yes.

He’s a ten, but - yes, he’s actually a ten, would you LISTEN TO ME FOR FIVE SECONDS?! - he’s a ten, but he games for sixteen hours a day and thinks foreplay is taking my bra off. And no, he doesn’t know where the clit is, but I still love him -

He’s a ten but he’s been plagued by horrific visions since birth and doomed to carry the fate of the world on his back.

I love texting people “I fell asleep” during the day when really I took a nap just to have an alibi when I don’t want to reply to messages quickly but don’t want to leave my bed.

My body is not a temple. It is a moving castle. It’s falling apart and inhabited by a mysterious mage and their lovable, if a bit eccentric, compatriots.

Anything helps! Please share this far and wide! #disabledcrowdfund #queercrowdfund #disabledandqueer #mecfs #crowdfunding

Selective listening (hearing only the part of what you said that would be funniest for the bit)

I'm seeing something consistently from querying writers that I think is really, really hurting them. Not professionally, but emotionally. I'd like to reconfigure the way you're thinking about querying, rejections, and long waits for responses (or no responses at all)... 1/?

[trying to get my spouse in the mood] Me: I’m feeling really bendy tonight… [bends wrist so far back it scrapes the tenth dimension]

Are you a “must never leave my things where they don’t belong” neurodivergent, or are you a “doom piles and doom surfaces are my everything” neurodivergent?

Pro of creating content: cool queers in my phone say nice things about it to me! Con of creating content: I have to create content. Fml….

guano 👌👌👌🔥🔥

A partner: I’m coming over. You better not have recut the entirety of Primrose Path in one night… Me, 5 AM, having just recut the entirety of Primrose Path in one night: aaaaaAaaaaaAAAAA?

Hot take: Taylor Swift just does what a lot of folk artists did and writes divorce albums without having to go through the mess of a divorce.

The real reason I never write about my first marriage is because Taylor Swift said all that needs to be said on her song “tolerate it”. Why waste effort retooling perfection?

Maybe I would have stayed with my ex husband had he written me a “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” style medley.