Barn Talk

The cool thing about being famous on twitter is that you can go places and no one recognizes you and you're not famous at all

If I could have your attention, please: I'm the middle child

*Mayor gives me the key to the city* Me: Could you guys step outside for a sec? *Crowd steps outside, I lock them out*

Self-loathing is easier when you have help.

Thursday Night Laugh: These two young men from Sussex have a sense of humor, a video camera and a dairy farm. Th... bit.ly/Mf0l8q

So. Hungry. And the person texting the station teasing my about Jimmy John's didn't help...

Have soybean prices peaked? Greg Milkovich of Roach Ag Marketing shares this thoughts. fb.me/YtXtm4aj

Hahaha! Something to tell your vegetarians there!

If plants didn't want us to eat them they'd grow feet.

When the moon hits your thigh like a big piece of sky, that's a small asteroid, actually.

And where you saw 37 pairs of footprints in the sand, that's where Jesus had a clambake.

Just for once, I'd like to fall up. Gravity is boring.

i think i might stop taking shitty photos and try to start taking good ones again

He's an athlete and a Harvard grad. I guess he's got one of those "Tiger Moms" that's been all over the news lately. Haha.

I used to be a bird trainer, but riding the bird train is for the birds.

It just occurred to me that I have never truly seen a chicken urinate.

It's not illegal for dogs to waterski. Not yet.