Maximum Derek

Don’t worry guys, Thanos will never get the Anxiety Stone from me.

Hey kids, I know this isn’t an airport, so I don’t have to announce my departure, but I think I need a bit of a detox. Especially considering the week ahead. If you *know me* know me, then you know where to find me. In the meantime, be kind & take care of one another.

Don’t forget to unfollow the potus and vp accounts on all platforms.

They don’t care why it might be a problem for someone else, and they don’t think far enough ahead to think about how it might be a problem for them in the future.

Everyone shitposting about not caring if TikTok gets banned or not, just goes to show the major problem here in the United States. No one cares about anything that doesn’t directly affect them.

So y'all gave him $300,000,000 for a party you can't come to, then gave him $70,000,000,000 for a coin you can't spend, because a carton of eggs cost $1 more than it used to. Y'all are fucking idiots.

Love radicalized Irving. #Severance

Doomscrolling the weather app doesn’t provide the same amount of dopamine

TikTok presented by Meta …loading…

“For me, it was the five turnovers for the Lions.“ No shit? Thanks for that top-tier commentary, Tom.

@PhilipWynkoop Americans didn’t elect Trump. White people did. Hope this helps!

Okay, Kevin Burkhardt, don’t think we didn’t notice that you’ve used the word “moribund” twice on tonight’s broadcast.

Every week, Ben Johnson gets further and further into his bag, and I fucking love it.

If you’re rooting for the Commanders or Lions to score even more points in the second half you’re fucking greedy

@DannyBKelly I’m wondering if it wasn’t a Hingle McCringleberry shout out

he was really going for it, full plank technique

Me: I don’t understand why every animated movie has to be remade in live action. It’s clearly just a safe cash grab for everyone involved. Also me: OMG TOOTHLESS!!!!!

Ridiculous.

Y’all out here dogging Chris Collinsworth every week when Tom Brady is literally right there.

*Kelce makes a catch* Me: SHOW HIS GIRLFRIEND, YOU COWARDS

Not me scowling at Snoop during the NFL Playoff intro