Financial Pro-Tip

an outrageous Linkedin work history

Reading about the french revolution: "In the 50 years before the revolution, prices and rents had increased by 50%, while wages had only increased by 25%." *Me, an American millennial* "Ha, mood AF."

It's staggering the difference between taking sick time as a teacher versus taking sick time a year ago as a wage worker. When I was sick last year my bosses held it over me for months. Today, my boss reminded me that I have five more days left if I need to use them.

I've seen more cops fired for having consensual sex than have been fired for murdering people.

All of these jokes about Andrew Tate just make we want to order a pizza, that pie looked good.

My condolences to the family of Greta Thurnberg, as their daughter died laughing earlier today.

I'm doing my best to get hired by @Twitter so I can cash out during the inevitable class action suit.

If you thought "wow, pouring soup on a beloved painting to protest climate change is really stupid and really makes us look bad", you're not alone. Bil Oil heiress Aileen Getty also thinks that, which is why she funded the group responsible.

My job that pays $21 an hour tried messing with me while I was at my job that pays $50 an hour, so now I only have one job. Or as my manager will be posting on the front door tomorrow, "nobody wants to work anymore."

Service industry: "Sorry I'm two minutes late" "We're docking 15 minutes off your pay " Office work: "Sorry I'm an hour late." "No worries, still bill for the full 90 minutes you were supposed to be here."

Hear me out, a GoFundMe to provide shooting lessons to John Hinckley Jr.

Writing Financial Pro-Tip and Tankie of the Lake is really something I'd love to not do anymore. Writing them is how I cope with my anxieties about the state of the world. I look forward to one day feeling like I can delete them. That day seems depressingly far away.

Men would literally rather spend $44 billion on a platform that has never made a profit than go to therapy. Smh.

Happy Easter! Remember, if Jesus sees his shadow we'll have six more weeks of Lent.

The "NFT's are a scam" crowd and the "NFT's work like every other speculative financial instrument" crowd need to figure out that they're both right.

"Excuse me sir, do you work here?" Ma'am, I'm literally shoplifting at 9 o'clock on a Wednesday, I don't "work" anywhere.

Normalize slapping the shit outta folks making ableist jokes.

With a little know-how, you can figure out the private wifi password for the bar you're in. If the bar has smart TV's, you can take control of it on your phone. I've been using this to change channels on sports fans in my neighborhood bar if they get to loud.

Fun history fact: There is only one degree of separation between Karl Marx and Frederick Douglass, and the correspondent they have in common is Abraham Lincoln.