Amber Parks

hair in a jar!? um…no. #RavenswoodChat

Almost died because of "honey roasted penis." #RavenswoodChat

@THEKERRYHOWARD "She doesn't like you. She doesn't care about you. She doesn't love you. No one does. You're a prick."

If you love theatre but struggle with confidence, here's a message from me to you:

How fights happen in my head:

I just don't want to look back and think "I could've eaten that."

"@russelltovey: I LOVE this.... bit.ly/1c8PY7w @THEKERRYHOWARD :-) x"

In future, I'd like to request that friends only introduce me as their "associate" as it lends an air of mystery. #Vague

I will never understand why people park next to me when I specifically park far away from other cars so no one will park next to me.

I really want to go to a play, but they don't have many of those here. Blah.

"I just got caught reading Mein Kampf to children." Haha #Miranda

Imagine if you saw one of these things at the beach this summer.. horrifying.co/wtf-fishes

Every time I see @KaleyCuoco on a commercial my first thought is "Penny is FINALLY getting some acting jobs!"

They say "You are what you eat." This humors me because I don't remember eating a bowl of amazing lately.

I just love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

Are you made of Copper and Tellurium because you are CuTe.

What I hate most about Twitter is finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left and having to decide which grammar crime to commit.

@TheGr8Dragon It was a hard task indeed, but I managed to succeed in my quest with minimal burns. The outcome was quite worth it though.

Playing operation with an insanely hot toaster that doesn't pop poptarts up all the way.