Captain Breadbeard

509 posts

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Captain Breadbeard

Captain Breadbeard

@captbreadbeard

Kent based comedian and lover of bread.

参加日 Mart 2018
934 フォロー中172 フォロワー
Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
It has emerged that a group of Italian smugglers are responsible for the UK budgie deficit this year. Rachel Reeves is hopeful for a speedo recovery, but so far it’s just fallen shorts.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
I’ve recently opened my own french boulangerie. It’s called “Welcome to the house of pain”
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
May also contain gluten 😉 If you find yourself in Folkestone next week, come join for a free fun evening.
Captain Breadbeard tweet media
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
The problem with Dutch planes is, they never land.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
My wife and I bought our dads a hot air balloon experience, then watched as they flew father and father away.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
Pronouns are hard to bear. Most of them can’t even speak.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
Once kitten, twice fly, three times a lady. Reincarnation roulette.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
I saw a pelican and a puffing crossing the road, and I thought, toucan play at that game.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
You get to choose who you vote for today. All I’m gonna say is, there definitely something fishy about that Sushi Sunak fella…. #Elections2024
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
Spaghetti hoops are just the Os from Alphabetti Spaghetti.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
I’ve been planting bulbs this week. Made light work of it. Smashing results.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
5k to couch. Everyday, just run a little bit less. If you complete it, then next is one called couch to potato.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
There’s something fishy about that Sushi Sunak guy. Salmon had to say it.
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Captain Breadbeard
Captain Breadbeard@captbreadbeard·
My friends and I have a long running joke. Mo Farah, Paula Radcliffe and Eliud Kipchoge walk into a bar.
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