(☆▽☆)

i don’t argue w hungry mfers

woke up & b/pd before even being fully fucking conscious LMAO, ran out of miralax so no daily poop happened & i feel full & gross … plus i got my niece all afternoon before my lecture … i didn’t have time to get a new vape 😭😭😭

purging before 9am brotha did u even TRY to have a good day

after rehearsals bffie & i got taco bell but once i got home at like 11:30pm … brother i was in bed immediately & didn’t even REALIZE i fell asleep till i woke up at 4am & glanced at my phone LOL

unfortunately … i DO sleep better after deleting my social media & not being able to scroll reels till 4am 😭

i can’t die i got disneyland on monday … LOL

i am strong. i am goated. i will finish spring semester w out offing myself & then start looking for a therapist again

also by “i will not graduate” i mean it wont simply be a 1 week stay. it is gonna start as mh but i am also struggling to eat or keep food down. its gonna turn into an ed stay & those always last MONTHS . i have 8 weeks left of classes

LIKE GOD DAMN COULDNT MY BRAIN WAIT 8 MORE WEEKS FOR SUMMER BREAK TILL GIVING ME THE MOST DIABOLICAL DEPRESSION SLUMP?? 😭

man when tf did life get … so important again? like yeah i wanna die but also if i voluntarily admit myself to make sure it doesn’t happen … i will not graduate . & all my college credits pre-2019 will just … poof

i don’t even wanna go to rehearsals the sadness i’m feeling isn’t even the “i can fake it” kind i’m just gonna play my parts tired as fuck no expression i don’t wanna

no nic … kinda suicidal to the point i’m thinking “what if i bought the stuff” … deleted all my irl social media … quite literally have not spoken to anyone but a 2 y/o today … welp

today . is literally just dragging i need band practice to be over already i still have to WAIT 2 hrs for it to START

ok

dawg i love this kid but oh my god 😭 a warning ??? a heads up????

my sister forgetting to lmk she needed a babysitter this week :) & just dropped my niece off in the middle of my lecture :) & she will Also need a babysitter the next 4 days :) during my other classes :)

starve and be nauseous vs. eat and be nauseous

but alas … i will try to have a good day

awake (derogatory)

there is … something. left in there keeping me going LOL couldn’t tell u what it was but . it’s there

i must want to live in SOME capacity bc when i really think abt it … i could just full stop eating/drinking & let dehydration get me but i have never ACTUALLY done it … despite always THINKING it