eEric

[burglar gently waking me] you live like this?

WOMAN: some people shouldn't have children ME: [placing my screaming son in her shopping cart] thank you

@smerconish I liked the caddyshack reference 😂

@GovernorShapiro the entire Philadelphia transit system will be on strike on Election Day unless you help. This could swing the entire election.

@theshamingofjay I am NOT happy about this decision, but you’re playing well.

@ericsshadow Welcome aboard

@theshamingofjay I always root for the team that beat me so …. go Mets 😔

@GovernorShapiro What’s up with Pa state minimum wage? It’s embarrassing.

I’ll work with anyone to cut costs for Pennsylvanians.

I don't think Alexander Graham Bell intended for us to watch porn over the telephone.

@beardimusprime Thank you

@ericsshadow Lemme know if you need a place to crash for a bit

My wife wants to join a cross training gym but she’s not sure if it’ll be too much for her so I suggested she start off slowly by turning off all the lights before she goes to bed.

Seems like just yesterday I was reading instructions on how to open a box of wine and now I can open it with one hand in the car.

NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station ME: wow that's awesome NASA: you and your entire family! ME: oh ok no thanks

30 days has September April June and November All the rest have 31 Except January which has 4,000

@GovernorShapiro How’s the minimum wage increase going

We got so much… stuff done in my first year in office. Proud we're making a difference for the people of Pennsylvania.

People say I'm a terrible father, but when my four year old broke his collar bone, who's the guy that dropped him off at the emergency room?

Parenthood: When you make enough money to live an exciting, comfortable, stress free life, but decide to have kids instead.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to watch what you want on Netflix then cancel and get Max then cancel and get Disney and so on… instead of paying for 7,000,000 shows at the same time.

tv apps cost 15.99 per month then want to charge you 4.99 to watch home alone

They say motherhood is the hardest job on earth. Not the way I do it.

@E_Ville13 We’ll see you in November

Go Astros GO