fartmachine

Tryna figure out if my mother is actually harbouring an evil spirit that takes over on occasion or if it’s just the menopause

@FoodPleaser Caucasian

Describe White Castle in one word.

@brainrotpostig Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny Family guy is funny

Early bird 🐦 gets the worm 🐛

Why is nobody talking about this

@nypost the Americans are gonna triple in size after this

Costco debuts hugely popular cookie - and customers are hoarding 5 cases at a time trib.al/hLnjFEm

@yaoiangele It’s. the ringworm entering your body

gonna start laying on public bathroom floors just to feel something

@vamp1bella Fartmachine

describe yourself in ONE word

They should make a green screen condom that you can use to edit your penis into cool things like a samurai sword

Do you prefer moisturised Madonna or dehydrated Madonna

Whenever it’s later than 9:30 I start to miss my best friend who is no longer my best friend for reasons I cannot explain or understand

Edible glow sticks would fix something in me

Why does wearing foundation feel like you are being buried alive

McDonald’s sprite drinkers when you tell them to stop licking cable wires and power outlets

@holzawn She hemoglobin'd all over the floor.

saying "i heard this live" when a song comes on

@Dexerto The contacts contain a small chip that send reports back to his mothership

💌 Björk by Martyn Thompson (1995).