ComedianJake

Let's see who wins. Retweet for Romney, Favorite for Obama. #debate

Be a BAMF

I have a dig bick. Haha, bet you read that wrong.

Follow @TryingToImpress for the best tweets!!

Cop: "How high are you?" Me: "No officer, it's: 'Hi, how are you?'"

I'm not saying that she's fat, I'm just saying that she'd wrestle a poor kid for the last Twinkie in the box

L- Loyal O- Obedient V- Valued E- Excellence

That awesome moment when you outsmart your mom and dad and sneak out of the house for the first time

If you type "Were there" into Google, the first suggestion is "Were there black people on the Titanic?" Racist much America?

Not being able to control your laughter, even after your teacher yells at you

Chuck Norris has a stunt double...for crying scenes

All I do is win, win, win, win, win, win...Congrats grandpa, you beat your 4 year old grandson at HORSE

Truth is, you never know where to go in life until you realize where you have been

Baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together

I got in trouble in science class today. The teacher asked me what composes a cell, and I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer..

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a mountain side? Jailbreak.

What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a mountain side? An avalanche.

What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a mountain side? A mud slide

America: the only place in the world where pant styles decrease in size while appetites rise...

Thoughts and prayers sent to Aurora, Colorado..