Mikey Scott

When did “fixer-upper” become “bring your vision” in real estate speak?

A gay just walked by my dog and said “Hey Puppa-woo-woo” and now I’ve decided Puppa-Woo-Woo is my drag name.

Anyone have any good tricks for getting your partner to fill up ice trays instead of leaving them in the freezer empty?

Has anyone in NYC noticed Patrick Dempsey is doing the subway schedule change announcements?

The homeless woman asking for money on the subway just told everyone they could @CashApp her.

@summerLsteele Lol. One day I’ll tel you the whole ugly story!

How did I miss this 💎 of a tweet in March?

My only measure of douchiness is how long you leave your AirPods in without using them.

@Andypnichols4 No. I never waste booze.

@ComicMikey But was it your drink?

I threw a drink at an ex at the bar once and was banned for a year. Why is Will still in the front row?

Just rode a citibike home with a fresh baguette sticking out of my backpack so yeah I am NAILING this Brooklyn thing.

In 15 years in Hollywood, my most memorable celeb moment will always be serving a shrimp cocktail to Otho from Beetlejuice.

When I was a kid I always said “Reach for the Moon because even if you miss it you’ll land amongst the stars” which just proves how bad I was at science.

If Disney isn't working on a Luisa spinoff movie right now then what are they even doing?

@BradLoekle @TheHustlaball @AtlantisEvents I need a tee that just says “Don’t” and nothing else.

What do you do when you find an old friend on social media you haven’t seen in a long time and you discover they’re one of those people who only posts drastically overhead selfies?

@MileyCyrus is the only person who left me a bad tip that I still love.

I just want shirt-buttoned-up-halfway confidence.

@nicfive5 Nope. She’s a total prude. Unlike her Daddy.

Is there a creepy rapey dog at every dog park or just mine?

LGBTQ STANDUP! COMEDY QWEENS EP 4: starring @ElizabethGlazer @ComicMikey @GayPimp @teddymargas @Mothercouture youtu.be/fS_yKxysisk