Steely Dan

I told shortie to put her pussy on the phone and she actually did and it spoke to me in a voice that sounded like breaking branches and told me the exact hour of my death

@dovahtoorIF The carpenter bees are about...

Happy Spring, Happy Easter

Call me Benjamin, cause I be nettin’ Yahoooooo!

"You're a good boy so you're going to keep stroking it for mommy until we give the ruling okay?"

I started going on Grindr as a “troll”, I figured it would be a perfect platform for my kind of edgy humor. But, like a troll, I only ended up getting sodomized under a bridge

Gay for pussy

@dovahtoorIF The japanese gotta get it together man

For the last week, Twitter has been blasting the timeline with some variant of this: #ファックユー SAFE FOR WORK (sfw) 彼女の大きなオマンコを見て Show this to your boss, and wife, and children #巨大な胸 cute challenge 2026 #新鮮な空気を得る膣 very appropriate

@DogFromHalfLife Classic

If you walk into a hotpot place as a white boy who speaks Chinese a huge alarm bell goes off in the back and then something happens that I cannot say

@favelaoverlord I just hope It implodes at this point, just put down. There's pretty much no one left from what I hear

I miss iFunny so much man

@DailyLoud I’d be jacking off in the classroom like a retard

fell asleep at the salon wit my girl and these mfers thought itd be funny to paint my nails i got court tomorrow too and i cant get it off i got hot pink nails rn and im a whole ass nigga going to court tomorrow

Steely Dan Sunday

@dovahtoorIF I find the chewy-ness of them rather refreshing...

I eat the entire wooden stirring sticks that come in airplane coffee, and the flight attendants are powerless to stop me.

@SteelyDanMxmlst @Gallo_Woodworks Idk why, but that book stuck with me like crazy, so crazy that my parents got me a hatchet, and I had my own escapades through the woods

If you have boys, you should give them this book. 90% of my escapades are a direct result of it re-wiring my brain at age 6.

@CrawlzTheThird Thought I was the only one...

I feel something sinister brewing

@yourg0ldteeth Cant get tired of Steely Dan

Breaking out the 14 piece patio set this weekend

@dovahtoorIF It feels unbelievable how much roadkill I see when i drive every day. 30 min Drive from the town to the city, there are so many dead animals littering the road, always. Mainly raccoons and possums. I can't believe the local populations aren't threatened somehow by it all

The amount of road kill has increased exponentially since I was young, which I can only attribute to careless fools on the road. A large amount of which are "immigrants", who the state gives licenses out to simply for existing. Another evil to be cured through mass deportation.

I've had ample reason, whether travel or work, to be on the road extremely frequently throughout my life. I've hit exactly one animal with a vehicle: a bird that literally dive-bombed my truck. Road kill is largely the result of carelessness, which is a great evil.