WetDeclan

Father to an aborted son, husband to a hook nosed guido street bitch

A mallard to ducks is what a labrador is to dogs

If you’re watching porn your Bitmoji should be beating it’s meat on snap maps

Just catching up on the Olivia Rodrigo / Sabrina Carpenter beef.... I just hope there’s a happy ending for both of them

I just want someone to love me like Eric Collins loves terry rozier

Who hurt you Leona? Who hurt you...

Baby you’re class and baby you’re sic

I fucked James Joyce, both of um!

Whoever designed the tissue box so that the next tissue is just poking out nicely after you pulled out the one before it was a genius

Not enough saxophone solos in today’s music

It’s like fight club but I jizz on you instead

Just drank a bottle of wine, ate a full tube of prawn cocktail Pringles and researched the stock market

How come sour milk isn’t nice but sour cream is

Constantly amazed by the sheer amount of fluff that manages to gather in my bellybutton from the beginning of the day to the end

@dairemcconnon You’re not ready

If I had to describe how horny I’ve been over the last couple of weeks I’d have to go for exceptionally

I like to brush my teeth during sex because it saves time getting ready for bed and helps me measure the recommended two minutes brushing time

Just popped two vitamin c tablets, come at me AIDS my immune system is rock solid

Very disappointed to find inside the American Museum of Natural History doesn’t look like it does in Night at the Museum. Ben Stiller needs taking down a peg or two