Dynamite Startup

New Year, new business model! We're going to be the internet's premiere destination for videos of corpses in the woods.

We’ll be honest. We have no idea what we’re doing. An angel investor gave us $1 million and all we’ve done is buy some URLs and a foosball table.

We're happy for the #NetNeutrality rollback, since our new business model is printing websites and sending them through the mail.

In search of someone to make infographics. Will pay $100,000/year + equity.

Just signed a lease for a 20,000 square foot office. Both of our employees say it’s a major upgrade.

Our Head of Finance complained we exceeded our trucker hat budget by 25%. So we’re hiring a new Head of Finance.

#Millennials - We have a bag of pretzels in our break room right now! 🥨

#Millennials - We don’t offer any vacation days, but our casual dress code is i.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.e. Come work here!

We may not have a 401k, but you can bring your pets to work. #MillennialsWelcome

Our CEO sleeps just 6 minutes every hour. The rest of the day, he is #innovating. We get emails at 4 in the morning. It’s wild.

Apparently, we didn’t have the budget for that Soloflex. Seeking a new round of #VentureCapital to keep the dream alive!

#Millennials - We just added a #Soloflex to our office! Come work for us!

New day, new business plan! We want every home to have a 3D taco printer. If you know how to make/monetize this, contact us!

@DmitryOpines Sounds like you’d like to invest! Please send your bank account and routing numbers, along with a business plan we can follow.

@DmitryOpines We are developing Tacoin, a taco-based crypto that can only be mined with a loyalty punch card. (Not to be confused with guacoin.)

@DmitryOpines The world? Think bigger. We’re going to shift entire paradigms. (3D taco printing is our current front-runner.)

#Millennials - We have an open floor plan and a ping-pong table! Work for us! (We can’t pay you yet. We’re working on it.)

Excited to offer our product on iOS and Android as soon as we decide on our product and hire someone to code iOS and Android!

The #Millennial misunderstood our offer. She will be resuming her barista career. Best of luck to her!

Having a heck of a time coming up with a business plan, but we just hired a Millennial we spotted at Starbucks. Expecting big things!