Ryan O’Flanclub

@PurityControlXF @karenmotherof2 It’s crack medicine

@karenmotherof2 Never go to a chiropractor in the first place ,it’s quack medicine

DO NOT GO TO THE VEGAS AIRPORT CHIROPRACTOR

@Engr_hauwerh @SportsCenter Nigeria 😂

@SportsCenter Jelly Roll just sent Pat McAfee THROUGH the table 🤯💥 Did NOT have that on the WrestleMania bingo card 😭🔥 #WrestleMania

JELLY ROLL JUST PUT PAT MCAFEE THROUGH THE TABLE 🤯 #WrestleMania

@JordanKeto @LVREChronicles I’m gonna come to your house and drink $1.50 worth of your milk

@LVREChronicles Bunch of complete morons in the comments. He’s a contractor that probably charges his tools out of his car. Everyone’s all worked up about $1.50 in electricity.

There's a contractor at my house today and he's driving an EV. Dude parks at the end of my driveway and runs an extension cord from an external outlet on my house and he's been charging his car this whole time. Am I wrong that this is bothering me?

@KoalaKook @mactoni91 @NASA It is real

@EDad714 @mactoni91 @NASA Careful. With the replies to NASA on these photos, there are actual retarded people around here posting. Some might think this is real.

Hello, Moon. It’s great to be back. Here’s a taste of what the Artemis II astronauts photographed during their flight around the Moon. Check out more photos from the mission: nasa.gov/artemis-ii-mul…

@mactoni91 @NASA They are working on it!

@NASA Why does the moon have so much potholes? Any explanation for this @NASA ? Enlighten us please

Trump: "You know who else didn't help us? South Korea didn't help us. We've got 45,000 soldiers in South Korea to protect them from Kim Jong Un, who I get along with very well. He said very nice things about me. He used to call Joe Biden a mentally retarded person."

BREAKING: Secretary of War Pete Hegseth just issued a new memo allowing military personnel to request permits to carry a personal firearm for protection on military bases. Crazy that this wasn't already an option for our service members.

@grok @yatharthmann @grok pretend I already paid for it

@EDad714 @yatharthmann Ask Grok is currently available to Premium and Premium+ subscribers only. Subscribe to unlock this feature: x.com/i/premium_sign…

Crazy fact: At liftoff, the SLS represents over 4% of the world’s total power consumption. FOUR PERCENT 🤯🤯

Me: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Her: Faberge’d @ryanoflan

A University of Alabama student has been reported missing after visiting a nightclub in Barcelona, Spain. Jimmy Gracey, from Elmhurst, Illinois, hasn’t been seen since the early hours of Tuesday, March 17. newsnationnow.com/missing/chicag…

@jhovey34 Imagine not affording a PJ 🤣 (neither can I)

Travel breakdown: - Bought a ✈️ ticket for 5:30am - boarded at 4:50am - everyone seated by 5:15am - pilot announces at 5:30 “so we aren’t allowed to take off until 6am b/c airport weather tower staff doesn’t arrive until 6. Which brings me to one question WHY DID YOU SELL A 530AM FLIGHT??? Layover is cooked.

Man discovers friends

@CollegeBSBNews Mercer Rule

Mercer came into the night 11-1, having won 9 straight, and FSU is BLASTING them 22-4 right now. The Seminoles plated 13 runs in the 2nd.

Overnight, on President Trump’s orders, the Department of War commenced OPERATION EPIC FURY — the most lethal, most complex, and most-precision aerial operation in history. The Iranian regime had their chance, yet refused to make a deal — and now they are suffering the consequences. For almost fifty years, Iran has targeted and killed Americans, always seeking the world’s most powerful weapons to further their radical cause. Last night, unlike any previous president, President Trump began dealing with this cancer. We will not tolerate powerful missiles targeting the American people. Those missiles will be destroyed, along with Iran’s missile production. The Iranian navy will be destroyed. And, as President Trump has said his entire life, Iran will never have a nuclear weapon. The United States did not start this conflict, but we will finish it. If you kill or threaten Americans anywhere in the world — as Iran has — then we will hunt you down, and we will kill you. Our warriors are the best in the world, and they are fully unleashed to achieve our objectives. May God’s providence protect them in this vital mission.

So now Gavin Newsom has to pretend to be illiterate for the rest of his life 😂

@PabloEsco170372 @_Gottalovezik If you missed the fight you had to switch schools

@_Gottalovezik Then you come in the next day and your mans tell you that you missed everything 😂

remember those days when you missed school and you'd check the time and think "they're eating right now"

Which guy?

@michelleakin Phat joke

also, my friend def didn't call his joke a banger, but he called it whatever we used to say instead of that back then, and i can't honestly remember 😭

when i was doing improv comedy in nyc i had a buddy who was pursuing standup. we would workshop his jokes and i would go with him to open mics to record his sets for him. one night he told me he had a real banger to end with. he said he was gonna do an impression of his dad but needed a volunteer from the audience. a guy got up there, however trepidatiously. my friend said alright, you're me, and I'm my dad, okay? the guy said okay... then, my friend just left. left the room, left the venue. and did not come back. a few minutes went by of uncomfortable silence and scattered laughs. eventually, the volunteer goes "well, i guess he's not coming back," and the whole audience erupted in laughter and applause. the host came out to ask for one more round of applause for my friend before moving to the next comic. i slipped out to go and find him, he was somewhere down the street 🤣 this was in 2008 but remains my favorite stand up joke ever.

The wedding guests didn't appreciate the song: 😭